Halloween Poems

The March

I sit in this prison forced to listen to the sounds
the proceeding army of goblins, witches, and demons.
The broken silence of my cell by the crunching sounds of foot soliders.
In march to clash among the fairies, angels and animals of the earth.
The rumbling grows near, will I survive? We are adhered to the middle ground.

Laughter... broken now by shouts of children.
Yelling at the top of there tiny lungs. Trick or Treat!
As Halloween boredom is broken by the handing out of sweets.







To be?

I have never felt such freedom from a spectrum of clothing.
Who or what shall I become? I can be anything I wish to be.
I ravage amongst my attic, amongst the department store frenzy.
Perfection must be achieved.

Who or what shall I become? I can be anything I wish to be.
One must not only be but embody.
I have never felt such freedom from a spectrum of clothing.
Costume building, making and choosing is like a shedding lizard.
Revealing endless possibilities, once a year.

I can become anything I wish to be. Anything my mind can ponder, far beyond simple wonders.
Halloween more than it always seems, surpassing childhood for even those who are all grown up.
Can ravage amongst their attics, amongst department store frenzy, to feel once again.
What it is to be young at heart, and anticipate to who or what they will become. Because we on that
cold chilly night be anything we wish to be.







Their Gazing Stare

The darkness surrounds me, as a cold wind blow from the north.
Flapping amongst my oddly shaped garment.

I feel their gazing stare...
Because they are everywhere...
Such an eerie feel...

No matter where I roam from north to south and east to west.
With group of friends or as a lone wolf.

I feel their gazing state...
Because they are everywhere...
one must be aware...
to avoid their memorizing stare...
Such an eerie feel...

Yet they break the dark shrouded night, with their amber gleam.
even though I can't shake their gazing stare
I can't break away they're everywhere...
such an eerie feel...

Now I made my pass through from north to south and east to west.
I feel its gazing stare....
As they sit adjacently to my door....
With its amber gleam no more...
As I blow out the Jack-o-Lanterns beam.

The Arcane Wanderer

a small warning this story might depict images that some might find offensive but know that its a fictional story and its purpose is to entertain.



His face was so vivid in my head, why is it that I can’t remember. It’s as if I’m infected by his disease his own soul I feel him inside of me I feel him in my head. Yet I can’t pinpoint where, when or who he is. “Michael I think you’re just under a lot of stress, with work after all you are working on “the most important article” in your life, your words not mine” Rebecca pointed out. “It’s not that Rebecca I’m being serious these dreams I keep having are more than just dreams, there more like memories” I replied. “Maybe you should pass on this article and take a break” Rebecca suggested. “No I can’t do that, and pass on a lifetime” I replied. “Anyways Mikey I have to go I have to do the laundry”. Yes I know your no longer a young and beautiful, you’re a motherly woman. Has to do the house work, feed the kids and get dinner ready for the wife” I joked. “You jerk! But what can I say some of us were meant to be maternal” Rebecca smiled. “Anyways call me later” She said as she exited the cafe.

Now walking home I was having second thoughts about telling Rebecca about the unusual dreams I have been having lately. On an academic level they would be described as Lucid Dream, a Dream so vividly real it could possibly affect your bodily functions. I’m glad she shrugged it off though I knew she would after all she’s my best friend and we tell each other everything. Although it didn’t resolve the why, at least I had a possibility as to what was causing it. Could it really be just stress? After all there are studies that show that extreme stress can affect your mental state. Maybe I was telling myself that to make myself feel better. Honestly I didn’t want to believe a conventional answer; because the dreams felt more than lucid they in my mind were reality. Although Rebecca was my best friend I hadn’t been totally honest about my dreams. How could I, how do you tell someone that every night some stranger literally appears in your room and then you have horrible nightmares of death, brutal murders, beatings, and gory scenes. You don’t! I thought that was the answer. Walking down the street in a queer neighbourhood you would imagine a queer would feel safer than usual. Lately that wasn’t the case as I reached closer to my apartment the distance felt as if it was growing miles away as though I wasn’t meant to get home. I constantly felt like being watched. Maybe Rebecca was right maybe I was stressing so much I was losing it.

Finally I had reached my apartment building I couldn’t help it but each time I opened the door to the complex I was reminded of the first time I had moved into this neighbourhood. I had just graduated from High School from a farming community outside of Austin wanting to experience life and honestly trying to get away from small town mentality and into the big city hoping to meet others like myself, others who were gay. I applied for a scholarship so that I might attend UT Austin and when I received the letter stating that I was granted the scholarship I immediately packed my bags took my car, said my goodbyes without a care and left my former life. At the time all I could think of was, who could have ever imagined me, A 5’7”, 130 Lbs, blue eyed blond country boy moving to the big city. I found a job at the local newspaper as an Editor, they quickly hired me after I explained to them that I was going to college to get my degree in English and that I wanted to improve on my writing. I personally felt my writing was more than decent, it just needed refining. That memory could always cheer me up and make me forget about my surroundings. “Excuse me!” I heard from behind me I hadn’t noticed that there was someone behind me I was deeply in thought. Then I heard grunting as I turned around there was someone holding a couch. “Oh I’m sorry” I quickly moved out of the way, apparently someone was moving in. I trailed behind what seemed to be a couch with human legs it was to big to distinctly tell who was behind it or in front of it. Arriving at my floor and to my surprise the couch was heading to the apartment across mine. I waited till whoever was behind the couch came back outside in order to introduce myself and to welcome him or her to the neighbourhood, and honestly to apologize for my rudeness for holding up the door. “Hi my names Michael nice to meet you”, I blurted to the guy that walked out of the apartment. He said nothing and stared, which made me feel odd, then he replied “I’m not the one moving in here I’m just here to help Him” as he pointed to the his friend. “Oh!” I embarrassingly replied. I tried to hide my red face, “sorry about that”. “Hi my name is Michael welcomes to the neighbourhood” I continued. “Hi my names David, thanks” he replied as he smiled. “I’m sorry can you excuse me I need to get the rest of my things up here”. “Oh sorry and sorry about hogging the door” I semi-yelled down the stairs, as he ran down them. He then shouted back “its okay, maybe we can talk later”. I had unlocked my apartment door and stepped in I was so excited I took the cell out of my pocket and pressed 3 the speed dial number for Rebecca. You’re not going to believe this but I have the hottest new neighbour, I just met him as he was moving in to the apartment across mine. “Well tell me how he looks” she replied. “He’s tall about 5’11”, has sandy brown hair medium built and a great ass. Sort look like Ewan McGregor but hotter and younger and the best part is that he said he wanted to talk later”. “Finally let’s hope you get yourself a boyfriend, like that I can have sometime with the family”, she replied. “I know I’m sorry I just been a bit stressed lately. Well anyways its late just wanted to brag, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye”. I had almost forgotten about the dreams I had been having until I walked into my room and realized it was time for bed. It had become apparently nerve racking, sleeping. I wasn’t sure what waited when I closed my eyes. I was beginning to feel afraid that some how I wasn’t going to wake up.

Chp 2

I laid my thing on my chair next to a small desk I had, and got ready for bed. I began to pace contemplating whether I should go to sleep or not and if so for how long. As I paced back and forth I began to conjure up ideas as to what was going on. Although many made logical sense it’s the ideas that made no sense what caught my attention. What if God was punishing me for being gay. Unlike most gay men and women my belief in God was entirely different. While most accepted God, and turn their backs on religion. I was the contradiction to that belief I believed in God but also believed what religion had taught, and what the bible said about homosexual that we were all going to hell. Being gay never came easy, but no one promised that it would, so why did i expect it to be. The answer might lie in faith, or is it humanity. A belief that humanity is handed down a right to find happiness, a right to live as we see fit, or is our life destined to be what our creator would like it to be. This is the question I had asked my self for many years. I am uncertain of what I deeply feel, because I can not understand. I often think it is not meant to be understood but that just makes the pain worse. Not knowing that God loves you. That’s because there is a slight chance that being who I am will only bring me sorrow and damnation. Maybe I was finally receiving my answer, and it was an unpleasant one. Maybe these visions I was seeing were a sign to what was in store for me down the line. I had always asked God to give me a purpose to make me something more a purpose more than the ordinary life contains. I would pray for death, and then after I had died I prayed that God would make me an Angel so that I would have a greater purpose in life. I paced around my room till I was too tired, and had no choice but to fall asleep; after all I had work in the morning. That is not to say that there was no hesitation on my part, as I laid my head on my pillow I wanted to fight the urge for sleep, yet to no avail I drifted into sleep. As I lay sleeping I remember I began to dream, dream about my future, nothing out of the ordinary. Suddenly in mid dream I felt as if I had hit a wall, a strong blockage came over me. I felt immobilized from the neck down, and I knew. I opened my eyes the blue flashing LED light from the clock never seemed so haunting the time was 3:00AM. I panned across the dark room. I must be dreaming, I repeated other wise why is that I can’t move my body. As I laid there a coldness blanketed the room and darkness over took the minimal glimpsing light that existed. As the window magically opened and the dark moon peered in and all that was visible was a dark mist riding on moonbeams down to the room. I knew it was him, he had come again. The mist began to transform into a tangible figure of a male. It was a tall tanned skin male, his structure was built but lean. His eyes a dark void and his hair was long and dark. He had a dark crystalline sash around his mid area as to semi cover but not totally censoring the area. As if it was made to lessen the shock but not derive from its purpose which was to be his dress. It almost looked like something ceremonial something that had meaning. As he took complete shape he began to speak and his voice was that of thunder, deep, and roaring yet gentle enough for me to understand what was being said. He began to walk to closer to the edge of my bed as he spoke “I’m the deliverer but first you must see” and at that time I noticed that for the first time there as another, much different that this one but it seemed to be here for the same purpose, as he stood on the opposite corner he watched. As the dark male figure came over me, He gently placed his hand on my head as to align it with his eyes. He looked into them as he gently lower his hand down my face and onto my chest. Then as he placed his hand on my heart, he leaned in and began to speak “Now you shall see, and may mysteries be unveiled” he lowered his head and placed his lips against mine, as if he was going to kiss me. What seemed to be emotions, memories and vision poured in, then death. Death all around me as I opened my eyes I was in a place I didn’t recognize, faces of people in pain, in total darkness. Then immediately I went through a dark tunnel as fast as I had ever traveled and I was on top of a building looking down on three individual I could not hear what was being said but they seemed to be in some type of argument two of the individuals began to shout at the third individual, then it felt as someone hit zoom and I was right next to them. As the two shouting individuals rushed against the one and began to brutality beat him, as he fell to the floor his noise began gushing with blood. They continued to kick him while he was down then as they kicked him his eyes filled with such horror and pain, he looked up at me as if he could see me. Looked at me for help, but I couldn’t move I couldn’t shout or speak. They began to stomp on him until there was no recognizable feature. I went through a cycle of what seemed to be murders, deaths, and beating. I didn’t know what this all meant, and then something new happened, something that hadn’t ever happened. I was in a room with people and they were all dressed in black and I knew I was at a funeral service and then all of sudden pain, sharp pain all around my body the voices and feeling of all those attending began to penetrate every opening of my body. It felt like a millions of paper cuts, scrapes, bruises and heart ache. I began to scream….”NOOOOOOO! Stop! Please make it stop!” Tears filled my eyes, “Why are you doing this” I screamed, “why me”. Then he spoke “because you….” Then from the other corner “Stop that is enough! Now is not the time”, and as instantly as they appeared they were gone, and I had no answer as to what was happening to me.

Chap 3

My body was tired from what I had just gone through I collapsed and I feel into deep sleep so deep that the remainder of the night felt like seconds. I finally had awaken and I was late for work the peering morning sun hurt my eyes. The window was open and I knew that what I was mistaking as dreams were now reality. I hadn’t worked on my article since I began to have these encounters with whatever the dark mist was. The deadline was growing near and I was behind. I scrambled to shower, bathed as fast as possible, ran out and sorted through my drawer and closet for suitable work attire. It felt as if I was doing this all in slow motion and my body wouldn’t budge. As I continued to quickly dress I began to recall the night that had just passed. The voices were so vividly clear, the vision etched into my eyes. My heart began to race but there was no time to sit and think my next course of action I was already late, and it seemed inevitable I would have to give up the biggest article of my career. Luckly living downtown the office was close enough for me to walk but far enough for me to arrive an hour late. I hurried in through the front door waved to Jennifer our front desk receptionist. “Mr. Pemble wants to see you in his office” she quickly stated. I knew immediately he was going to ask about the article I was writing. After all it could possible expose the lack of compassion the Police Department had for gays and other minorities. The Story I was working on is about a murder that happened not to far away from where I currently lived, it was placed under cold case files a year ago. Then reports began to surface that there was lack of investigation, and proper questioning. Due to the Chief of Police being the leader of a religious extremist group. The young man that was murdered was gay, and they had labeled it as a hate crime. The group that had funded his campaign two year ago and appointed him chief pressured him to focus on more important thing than a life that my community was not worth the police force attention. I was honored to work on this article but with the things that had been going on in my personal life, I was going to have to pass the work I had completed to someone else. Mr Pemble would just have to understand. I passed by cubical and on my way to his office and before I could get there, he was no more than a few feet away from me. “Ah, just the person I wanted to see” He excalimed. “Good Morning Mr Pemble you wanted to see me”, I replied. “Yes about the article how’s it coming along?”, he asked “Its coming along well Mr Pemble”, as I paused, “but…But?” he replied. “I wont be able to finish it. I’m having some personal issues and I wanted to ask you if I could take some days off” I replied. I was ready for the worst his face seemed to drop. “Well I though you would never ask, you have been acting a bit weird lately. Take two weeks off, he replied. In the five year you worked here you’ve been one of my hardest workers and I appreciate it, as a matter of fact I want you to give the work you have done on the article to Jason and I will credit you both for it. After all you poured your soul into it, it seems” he replied. “Thank you Mr Pemble”, I replied as I began to walk in the opposite direction. I was relieved maybe I did need some time off, and maybe thing would get better, now that I had time off. Even though I was a bit sad that I had to leave my work to others at least my name would still be credited. I began to walk home I hadn’t even placed my work bag down I was still carrying it, and I was leaving already. I waved goodbye to Jennifer “I’ll see you in two weeks” I shouted as I hurried out the door. “Two weeks? Where are you going”, she replied. “Mr Pemble gave me a vacation”, I waved goodbye as I was exiting. She seemed a bit confused but I didn’t want to stop to explain I wanted to be outside in the open, feel the air against my face. It had felt as if I was holding my breath for hours. I felt relieved maybe now I could figure out what was wrong with me. As I walked back to my apartment in no hurry, I had almost forgotten about that I had a new neighbor David, I began to day dream. Just like a school boy day dreams about picnics, romantic walks, deep passionate kisses, and some heavy petting. The warm sun never felt so good against my face, and the thought didn’t hurt. As I was reaching my apartment complex I began to get a strange feeling, as if the sky was falling on me. I began to panic I ran to the door a strong gust, so sudden, out of nowhere. Then spoken word his voice falls upon my ears like thoughts “Death will find you”.

“Michael are you okay”...In mid panic I realize that David was now speaking to me, and Probably wondering why I’m flushed and panting like as if I’m about to crock from a heart attack. As I come to my sense I replied, “yes I’m fine, I was just running, must have lost my breath more than I realized”. “Running in D&G suit?”, As he stared at me more oddly than when I was panting, as I tried to come up with the worse excuse in a lifetime all I could come up with was…”I read in an article that running in suit can help your self esteem”. I was now even redder than the day I had met him. “Oh, okay”, he replied in a semi-confused state with a hint of disbelief. “Yeah, anyways I’m off for two weeks, do you want to get a drink or something later”, I asked. I smiled trying to hold back a grin hoping for a yes. “Yeah, that be great after all the only reason I was able to move is because I took a week off”, he replied. “Then I’ll see you around 9? Is that okay or is that too late?” I asked. “No that perfectly fine, anyways drinking to earlier isn’t my thing”, he replied. Okay ill see you later as I was midway through the complex door. “Okay, bye” as he exited. I quickly ran up the stairs, ran across the hall to my apartment door, unlocked it, and began to scream as I entered. “I have a date!” I was so excited then why had the feeling of eminent doom not dissipated, I was still scared. I tried not to think of it too much. I keep telling myself “you have a date and you shouldn’t think about whatever it was that was after me”. Yet I was only fooling myself and deep inside I knew my day would come.

Chap 4

It was barely noon and I had to keep myself occupied, so I had decided in order not to think about the dark mist the name that I had given the haunting figure figuratively speaking. Because I couldn’t positively call it a haunting, I did consider the possibility that I was losing it. To avoid thinking any further I decided to begin sending SMS text to Rebecca because I knew she would answer. Sure enough she did, and I began to brag about my date. We texted for few hours as the hour of my date grew closer, I began to prepare what I was going to wear. I knew that keeping my mind occupied would make me feel better at least for a few hours. I began to argue with logic whether I should explain to Rebecca further of my experience, but I was afraid. Afraid of being judged no matter how much or long you’ve known someone when it comes to matter that are out of the ordinary, that might be considered taboo or extraordinary it changes your view about those who you closely know. Humanity fears the unknown, including my self, for I wasn’t truly concrete on what was happening to me. I feared my own fears, and if I feared what is not known to me what would others think. Even if it was Rebecca she would just say I was stressed out or worse get her worried that I was neglecting a health concern. She might go as far as suggesting that I should console a doctor. What does science know about the abnormal. For if there is no evidence, a formula, or if thing don’t add up then it is regarded as fiction. I Pray to God to uncover the mysteries of the universe one only needs to believe, faith is truth. Whether our God is one in the same not apply. For me it is the God that I have grown to know by faith, and by what has been tough to me. The idea of Angels, Demons, Heaven, and Hell is reality in my eyes. The simplest logic in mind was that whatever was haunting me seemed to be evil. I could only speculate that what I had feared the most that my life was disapproved by God, and maybe I’m meant to be served as an example, A warning for all those who live as I do. It was 5:30 PM an hour an half till I had my date. I had worked my self into a frenzy, I was now worried, anxious, and pacing. I laid a baby Blue t-shirt, and blue jeans on the bed. I wanted to keep it simple after all it was just a drink. I tried talking myself out of worry, and began to think about topics to discuss on our date. I jumped into the shower around 5:50 and usually showered for 30-45 minutes usually a perfect timing. The shower was relaxing me, water always did, the feeling of the water drop from the shower head as they came in contact with my body. I would always imagine them to be rain, not just any rain but special rain. Rain that could cleanse my worries and troubles, I would often imagine the rain being composed of nothing by light as they hit my body they would transcend threw me cleaning me of any troubles and worries. It always seemed to work for me when I was feeling rather down. Just like it was working now but it couldn’t last forever as I snapped out of my deep though I finished the remainder of the shower. Nothing out of the ordinary the usual scrub, I quickly finished as time was falling short. I dried quickly, ran into the room and quickly dressed. The time now was 6:55 PM “just in time”, I said out loud. “Time for what” came from the living room corner, I was startled semi turned and tripped over my shoes and fell into the recliner, next to the fireplace. “Who are you?” I spoke loudly. “Now you know I can’t tell you, not now” the voice now came from beside me. The figure of a male now sitting in the love seat next to me, but there was something different it wasn’t the dark mist like before it was his companion. He then lightly chuckled and vanished. I had caught but a small glimpse of him and now he was gone. He was tall, blond, his eyes were burning like the sun, and he seemed to have a calmer yet jovial disposition. Snapping out of my thoughts my anger began to grow, I began to scream at my walls. “Why are you here! Why are you doing this to me! Get the fuck out, get out”. As I was screaming I failed to notice the door bell was ringing it took me a few second to come to my senses. I was now red and flustered as I opened the door. It was David at the door. He stared at me, “Are you okay? Who are you screaming at? Is everything okay?” He asked. I can’t believe for the third time I was caught in an awkward situation. “Yes everything okay, a bird just flew in through my window and it was eating my flowers that I have in a vase”, I replied. He looked at me in disbelief, but at the same time he seemed to be focused on if I was ready to go. “Are you ready to go?” He asked, as I uttered “I’m ready”. We both laughed and our date began.

Chap 5

David kept asking if I was okay which lead me to believe that I was outwardly showing my anxiety. How do you forget someone just appearing in your living room and vanishing just as instant. It’s one thing to speculate that your dream aren’t dream it another realizing that they have become truth. I wasn’t sleeping this time there was no room for error, I was certain that I was awake. So yes I was anxious but I was fighting it to focus on him. We arrived at our destination living so close to downtown made it easy to walk to the local bars. It also gave us time to break the ice walking under the city lights, and buildings. As usual our opening conversation was about the simplest things, how his day has been, the moving experience, and what he thought so far about the complex and the area. Its at the bar that the conversation become more interested. We both agreed to sit at a table next to the window, a plus for me as I enjoyed watching the people walk by. I needed something strong something with a kick so I immediately ordered a martini. David ordered a Cosmo for himself. “So what is it that you do?” I asked. “Well this it’s kind of embarrassing but if you promise not to laugh then I’ll tell you”, he replied. I nodded in agreement not to laugh. “Well I have two degrees, I went for a double major in college. Although I’m currently working toward a doctorial for one of the two”, he explained. “So what are they, I promised not to laugh”, I replied. “Well I have a masters in Divinity and a bachelor in physics”, he explained. The expression on my face must have shown, I was in awe, “I told you would laugh” he replied. “No I’m not laughing I’m impressed as a matter of fact more of interested how one can mix science and religion”, I replied. “Well my views differ from what most of the people I meet. I believe in God, yes but I believe in much more. I believe physics the study of the world and universe is God. I want to prove God exist through science. Very odd I know the arguments, but I believe I can do it. The measure of a great scientist is not whether his theory is right it is believing in his work until it becomes truth”, he explained. “So what about Angles, and Demons, do you believe in there existence?” I replied. “Yes, they are as real as you and me, it is how you perceive them that differs among everyone. Some believe there in a divine world per say, some believe there in different planes. While others believe there among us, they look, act, and speak like you and me”, he explained. “So what is it that you believe?” I asked. “Are they on another plane, a divine world, or are they among us”, I asked. “Well its not important what I believe it more important on what you want to believe. I’m surprised you haven’t cut me off and began debating the existence of God, or tried to disprove his existence by pointing out the flaws in the bible”, he replied. In all honesty its because I believe and think the same way. Yes, I have often asked my self, what if the book was just written by man, and they added what they saw fit. I also ask myself what if not, what if it was God through inspiration. I will not be subjected to decided that is not my place, I will have my chance, in death to know truth. Till then I see it as truth and although most don’t see it that way, I do”, I explained. “So enough about what I do, what is that you do”, He asked. “I’m a writer for the local newspaper”, I replied. He seemed as interested in what I did as I was in what he did. This was refreshing to me considering that he had two degrees and I only had one, in enlgish which had no true comparision to divinity or science. “Any interesting articles”, he asked. “Well I was working on one about a hate crime and the possibility of a cover up by the police. I gave it up though it was getting to stressful and needed a break, that why I’m here normally I would be writing or researching”, I explained. “Very interesting I could never be a writer I have no artistic flow, and I’m not very good at interviewing and connecting with people”, he replied. He looked up and smiled. “I have to admit that its been a long time since I had this much fun, or in common with someone. We believe in one the most important things in life that is the existence of God and the theology behind it”, he shyly replied. I looked up smiled back and decided to be bold and make a more forward move. I then placed my hand on top of his, and there was no rejection. At that moment I forgot all the bad things that had been happening. We continued our conversation about life, love, and family, it was now 11:30 PM time had flew by. Nothing could have broken us from our conversation. Not the people running about outside like busy ants, neither the waiter nor the shirtless guys in the bar. I wouldn’t go as far to say love but I knew I wanted to see more of David from now on and hope for the best. As we sat something caught my attention right outside on a parked car. There he was leaning, the mysterious guy that had appeared in my living room he looked at me smiled and waved over as he ran west. “Are you okay?” David interrupted my thought. “Yes, but I must go, ill explain later” I replied, I leaned in, in a rush, kissed him and began to walk out the door. “Wait!” he exclaimed, grabbed my hand from behind he turned me around and kissed me. He smiled and I embarrassingly ran after the mysterious stranger.


Chap 6

Although my time with David was enjoyable I directed all my focus onto the mysterious stranger. As I got closer to him, he seemed to be further and further away. He seemed to be an entity that I would never catch up to, running across streets, and swirling around the city environment. I followed closely occasionally he would glance back to let me know that our destination wasn’t the current position we were at and that we must travel further. Now I was 5 blocks away from the bar and 8 away from my apartment, the chase was pressing I was now getting frustrated. Then it seemed as out of nowhere my vision came upon a tall structure, it seemed ancient. It was a tall, its composite was limestone. At first I wasn’t aware of what it was as I was focusing at the mysterious stranger entering the apparently abandoned building. As I drew closer I noticed the tall spires and stained windows. It was an old church, at the moment I couldn’t recall previously a church being here. The tension in my upper body grew I began to feel a bit of uncertainty whether I should enter or not. I began to remind myself if I wanted to get to the bottom of this I had no apparent choice but to walk in. After all I had been in worse situation interviewing criminals, officials and important people. Then again they were alive and I knew they were, but this? I had no idea what I was getting into. I gathered my strength and began pacing forward toward the entrance. The environment was extremely quit even self thoughts are overbearing; a gentle breeze began to blow as I approached closer. The whistling grass made me uneasy as I placed my hand on the large heavy decorated door. Angels extending their hands as the light of God bathed them, for an old building the door seemed well intact and the detail was impressively visible. I entered and the light from a small fire place where an altar should be was the only light piercing the darkness. As I entered a nice warmness came over me, the force of the door was heavy enough that as I walked away it sealed the opening which it was guarding. Around the fire place was two tall bookshelves on either side, the book it held seemed as ancient as the building it self. Slightly in front of the fireplace were two leather chairs facing the fire and in the middle a small podium. The backdrop was the door opening and the rows of church benches. I yelled “hello?” it echoed and reverberated what seemed for a lengthy period. I was now anxious and didn’t want to speak anymore but did I have a choice? I began to argue with myself whether I should leave quietly or demand to know what was happening. When I though I had made up my mind but right before enacting it, I heard a voice. “Well…” it echoed but not as loud as my previous echo. Startled I looked behind me then I returned to my previous position and in front of the fire place there he was. Tall, Blond haired, White burning eyes, with a smirk on his face. He began to speak, “I know you have many question but before you say anything might I suggest sitting”, his voice was animated almost excited but it kept a serious tone. I approached close and before I sat I was beginning to speak but was interrupted. “As I mentioned hold you question to the end let me attempt to explain everything I must without deviating from my true purpose. Now I must get to the point, He will come to you, and he will try to persuade you, you must resist, for a great death awaits. He is darkness, cold, and heartless. You have been warned”. Gabriel now directing his speech at me asked, “any questions?” As I was about to speak he interrupted, “Well that’s great, no question”. He then charged at me placed his hands on the chair arms encasing me with in, looked into my eyes. “DO not disappoint me, doing so will disappoint him. My name is Gabriel”, as he vanished. Yet again I had no answer. My mind went blank and the church and everything in it dissipated I was now in standing on an empty lot. It was all to quick and felt like a dream. I began to walk home in disappointment I hadn’t come any closer to knowing anything remotely dealing with what I was going through just a warning by this mysterious stranger, who identified himself as Gabriel. To many thought passing through my head, I could barely comprehend any of them. I approached my door. To my surprise the only good news that had come out of this evening was a small note placed on my door. It was from David, it read “I had a great time, thank you”. My cell phone had been vibrating all night, it was from Rebecca, all she wanted to know is how things went. I walked in I was now tired too tired to take off my clothing I laid on the bed and passed out.



Chap 7

3 years had passed the visits from the dark mist had stopped, The stranger named Gabriel the warnings he predicted had yet to come true. It was more of a relief that things had settled down, I rarely gave thought to the events that had past. David and I had now been dating for 3 years and things were going great. Living across each other one would imagine that we might drive ourselves crazy. Although it would seem that way, that’s not how our relationship was, with work, and David getting his masters we saw each other a minimal of twice a week. It worked for the mean time. We had fallen in love. We were getting very serious, to a point where discussion of a possibility of moving in together. In all honesty the idea stirred some fear within me, I had always been very independent. I wasn’t used to having someone around; then again it wasn’t just anyone. It was the man that in his minute time can alleviate my wounds, the one person who can turn my blue days into luminous fields of flowers, like when you release cottonwood pollen against a sunny day. The person who challenges change with in me, what is a better measure of love, It’s a person who will point out your faults, but loves you regardless, encouraging change. I couldn’t ask for anything more. So why was I so afraid of sharing life with another. I had no apparent answer beside that I was being ridiculous. Like we all are in moments of the up most certainty. The only certainty one has of their humanity is their uncertainty. If we do not experience uncertainty then how can we be considered human. Fear of the many possibilities of life is inevitable, even when life deals bad cards the only action one can do is trust in God, friends, family, or find that strength within yourself. Whatever it is one believes we must strive to keep moving. So I had decided to tell him that “yes”, he could move in. I saw it in his eyes that he had made up his mind; never had I experienced such a love from another. David’s glare was loving, warm, having a sense of care and when it fell upon me, I have no doubts that he loves me, but it is I that has doubts if I can love him as much as he loves me. One can argue that if he didn’t love me he wouldn’t consider the move, which is logical. No matter how much one can repeat that in their head, it doesn’t calm the feeling. It was Friday, and for the most part we had Saturday off. So I had planned to leave a small letter in front of his apartment door a reminiscence of our first date. I was very bad at art but that didn’t hinder my attempt to draw a basic heart and flowers on the letter an almost childish form of art, with the written words within the inside flap, “In my heart there will always be a place for the love we share, identically like there’s space in my life for you”. I always came home first, no matter how tired I was feeling I was going to place that letter on that door. I had spent the last 30 minutes trying to figure what the right words were. In the end simplicity won. I had only 15 minute to place it on his door more than enough time to place the note and get ready for bed. I knew by the time he would arrive he would be tired and I rarely went over to spend time with him at night. Not because we didn’t want to but because we understood each others needs. It was more practical to see one another during day light. I ran across the hall placed the note and ran back to my room. I jumped into my bed, and immediately after closing my eyes I began to dream, dreams of my future life with David by my side. It comforted me, putting me in a deep peaceful sleep.

My body lying motionless in comfort a comfort one experience when life is well. Unknowing it had been denying me of truth, denying me of the experiences I was experiencing before. I had ignored all the past event but like all thing when they are ignored they just begin to grow, and this experience, problem, dilemma whatever one would label it was no different. I had ignored it long enough, and tonight the best night I was having while asleep it came, and it came quickly. Again the mysterious mist riding on rays of darkness came through my window, my body once again immobilized. Was it fear? or something unnatural when the lines are blurred and what makes reality undistinguishable is when your conscious begins to create scenarios of helplessness. No matter how much I tried to figure it out, was I making myself immobile or not. The feeling would not leave, it lingered and drove fear into my heart. The dark mist now materializing in front of me, once again I believed it to be alone at the beginning yet there was someone else in the room. “Gabriel!” I angrily yelled, “is that you?” There was no response for a few moments. As slow as the moments seemed a response came from the darkness. “Away with you, he is mine” as a tall dark haired man appeared from the corner, he was wearing a stunning dark red suit. His smile was radiant, his eyes seemed to peer through my soul. Dark endless eyes, pale skin and a deep clear yet antiquated voice, a voice full of knowledge, full of experience. With a wave of his hand my paralysis dissipated deep into my muscles. I caught myself staring at him it was as if I couldn’t take my eyes of him, as if I had known him since I was born. He then smiled, I snapped out of my deep gaze, and thanked him for his help. As to which he replied to be nothing at all, as a matter fact he seemed pleased that I was pleased. He leaned slowly walked closer, I then sat up shirtless against my head board. He then sat on the bed next to where I was laying, and began to speak.

“So I see Gabriel has been up to his games, always recruiting without notification did he really think I would’nt have found out. What a fool, now that I am here shall we?”, as he looked at me in question...”Shall we what, what are you talking about, what going on?” I asked. “Now, now we mustn’t waste time, what if I told you I could give you everything all you ever wanted, everything that you ever dreamt of. Now, now children don’t be surprised I offer you the world”. He said as he waved his hand in a magical gesture and a small globe appeared on the palm of his left hand, he then reached in his inner coat pocket with his right hand and took out a musical tuner. He them blew the note G-C-E flat-D-C and then a band began to play out of nowhere somewhat of a show tune and he began to sing.

That’s Right!

Some call me crude
Or You call me forward
But let tell you!

I can make you a kinggggggggg…..
…..in your case a queen (he chuckled, as I smirked as he said queen I zoomed into the United kingdom through the small globe he was holding and now found myself in Buckingham palace in boxer wearing a crown, holding a scepter, and all the world leader where at my feet.)

Servant at your bidding yes sir….
Oh! Taste the wine and hear the band.
Right this way……(suddenly I was back in my room and I began to instantly travel somewhere else)

Maybe your adventurous…
Come watch the lions play. (I was now somewhere in the savannah)
Relax and play as the zebras stroll along your door way.

That’s Right!

Some might Call me crude
Or You can call me forward
Some might call me the prophet of doom.

(What? Suddenly I was back in more once more and quickly heading to our next destination)

Oh never mind that last line, It just business.

Oh liza! Oh Liza! Maybe you’re vain, liking attention.
Come on let start celebrating. Broadway!
(I was now on a stage with dancers in a production of Cabaret)
Oh! Oh! Let not go that gay, I mean that way!
Start by admitting you like money, Wall Street!
(I was now sitting in an office atop the empire state building in an luxurious office)
I promise all the riches this world can bring.
A house
A car
Diamonds!

That’s Right!

Some call me crude
Or you can call me forward
Some call me the downfall of humanity.

(downfall humanity?)

Just a formality (I was now back in my room)
Yes I know….
Love! Love! Love!
Just walking down the streets (I was now walking down the street just outside my apartment)
They follow, let them follow, give them want they want.
Kiss them
Play with them
Tease them
(I was now surrounded by hundreds of hot men all wanting me touch me everywhere)

Now now don’t get ahead of yourself….


( all thing in the world where at my feet, I was having more fun than I had ever had. I felt powerful could I really have anything I wanted. Anything at all, I was hooked I had made my mind to what I already wanted. I was entranced)

That’s Right!

I can give you the world.
Some call me crude
Or you can call me forward
Let just get down to business
They call me evil.

(huh?)

Now don’t listen to what I just said……
Let seal the deal.

Sing your name here.


(ouch! As he pricked my finger, “what was that for?”, I exclaimed. “Well we need ink” he replied, the music continued in the background I was excited I could now make my wish.)

Just signnnnnnnnnn Hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

“Stop!” A booming voice came from nowhere. It was Gabriel. The music stopped and the charming dark haired man was now a horrific figure, his face was sharp, skeletal, a dark red tint was the color of his skin. His head was narrow but grew outward reveling long spiraling horns, he snickered as his snake like tongue slithered. Now his ghoulish eyes met with Gabriel’s they were full of hate and animosity, they seemed ready to do battle. “It is my turn have you forgotten the rules” the ghoulish figure stated. “I have not forgotten any rules Lucifer”, Gabriel replied. “It is not I that has broken the rules, you failed to mention who you were, and did you forget your name in your charming song” he explained. “Satan!” I gasped. “You fool” he turned toward me slamming his fist against the bed as a thunderous noise radiated from the impact. “I almost had you, humans how insignificant and greedy, and slow”, he snarled. “Why must you doubt, deep inside”, he screeched. “That is enough! Lucifer”, Gabriel shouted. “You have no power over me, you as well as I know that. His soul his mine”, he exclaimed. With his massive hands he grabbed what seemed to be my soul it felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my body, it felt like when your hurt by someone you love but the pain is multiplied many times. The floor began to shake and the wall began to crack an opening through the apartment complex down the many floors pasted the many tenants opened as he dragged my soul with him as he hovered down unseen stairs that were laid to His convenience. I tried screaming but it seemed no one could here or see me the world around me had not stopped but was unaware of the events that were occurring around them. We reached the bottom floor where the concrete began to open and the earth crust was visible. There was now magma, which began to crust and form a spire of stair that lead into a deep nothing. I continued screaming as I looked behind me Gabriel was diving toward me. I now understood he was the Angel Gabriel, the messenger of God. As Gabriel approached Lucifer right hand where I was in his grasp a dagger appeared in Gabriel hand, just when he was about to strike, Lucifer turned quickly, and as immediately as he did a huge fired covered sword slashed across Gabriel chest. As light poured out of his wound he fell quickly to the ground, he looked up as I was screaming in fear and pain our eyes now locked, they were filled with such sadness, the look in his eyes was so power it transcended to my now stolen soul. Gabriel now gently falling down the dark abyss that had opened as his body was consumed by light he seemed to mumble something, but I could not make sense of it. Fear had now consumed me I began to panic more than I previously was. I try to break Satan’s grasp to no avail, we were now midway down the large dark spiral stairs that had been created by the earth magma. Now amidst the darkness came faint figures beside me. I looked around me, I began to scream “help me, help me”. “Is there anyone here!” Satan laughed at my foolish attempt to call for help. Now the faint figures became clearer, and what seemed to be speaking came from the thousand of shadows that could not be seen. “ahhh! Ahh!” A ghoulish moan, it only enhanced my fear. As my mind tried to make out what was making the ghoulish noises. “ahh, ahh” As I pinpointed where the sound was coming from sharp pains began to come from various direction. My soul was begin torn apart as I looked around I was able to see thousands of people being torn apart now, moaning in pain, as demons tore their perfect souls apart over and over. Some prayed to no avail, as demons just tore their vocal chords out, stepped on their heads till it they became a bloody pulp, nothing but pain everywhere. Some seemed to be re-living moment in their life that were significant. As they experience what seemed to be sons, daughter, and loved ones die, over and over. I was now being picked off slowly by the demons aligning the long stair way into an even darker abyss. It was my turn to be torn apart, the paint was unbearable screaming seemed useless. The feeling of tear ran down my soul. I was now in hell. I had no hope, I began to tell myself that I deserved to be here, it was because I was gay, I was certain. I looked up and said “God I accept your punishment”. As all my hope was drained from me, out of nowhere a bright light came bursting through the many layers of earth it seemed as if the sun had barely discovered the dark space that had surrounded it. Faster than I could understand what the light was my soul was now tired unable to move as I laid on the stairs. I turned my gaze up, too see what had happened. The light was another Angel it was tall, white, built it was wearing red, its armor it had resembled that almost of a roman warrior. His sword was made of light as it clashed against the dark red flaming sword which Lucifer yielded. Their gazed locked, Lucifer began to speak.

“Michael, we meet again. Why is it that you have come to my domain, you have no right”, Lucifer exclaimed. “It is not I that have broken the rules, and although you almost took his soul before Gabriel passed on back to the Garden he called on me. Thus allowing me to see your treachery, did you think he would not call, must you be that foolish”. The Archangel Michael yelled. He then turned to me and spoke “we all have will, and with will comes choice, pray to our creator for the understanding” I then closed my eyes and with the last once of strength, I had began to pray. “God, although I am hopeless, and beaten, I have accepted whatever your path for me has been, and I have struggled to accept that I’m worthy of your love, make me understand for I can’t. Give me the hope to know the difference and power to understand it.” I opened my eyes Michael was losing, the prayer didn’t work, was I destined for hell? Had I made my choice long ago by living this life as a Gay man. Michael was now on his knees as the many hordes of demons climbed on his back assisting their master Lucifer. Lucifer then laughed, turned and looked at me “you are mine”. My mind had always believed that I was destined to hell but now my heart was beginning to. In that instance light broke through darkness and my beaten, cold shattered soul, felt warmth, and love, and I knew it was God. Lucifer screamed “NOOOO!” as me and Michael were drawn up through the light, past my apartment complex, past the city, past the clouds, and now I looked around me and I was in space I saw the sun on the horizon shining its light on the world. The light became brighter as it drew close to our destination somewhere between the world and space, a place that normally would be non-existence in the minds of academics, it was heaven. I was now on a bed of white feathers. “Rise my child” A bright light spoke it was figureless, intangible. God! I began to tear I had never felt a love so immense so powerful. Are we destined to be damned? The question just poured out of my mouth, a question I had been harboring in my soul since I had known that I was gay. It was God, He needed no explanation He knew what I was referring to. It fell quiet for a few seconds but those seconds felt as days had passed. The immense light surrounded my frail beaten soul, like a warm embrace it nursed my wounds, after the short pause, after it had finished nursing me back to my former self. He answered “I love all my creation equally…I love humanity as much as I love my servants who watch over thee, and thus you are all apart of me and because you are apart of me, I have given man one Godly power, the power of will. Man, Angels, all creature created in my Image have the power to create as I created the world as I created you, and the power to destroy as I have in antiquated times. I love thee at all times, I watch thee, and commune with thee when needed, as the world grows, so does the servants in my covenant grow so that I can commune, be and comfort thee at all times. My inspiration is with thee at all times, but because I have given thee will, my inspiration is subjected to interpretation of man. Thus what man believes of his creator is mans idea with inspiration, that doth not mean it is right or wrong. I will always love thee no one is destined to be damned, one can only damn themselves.” As instantly as the light appeared it now faded into a white background, The light now was far, as the intensity of the light diminished it revealed that the light was always at a great distance on top a high altar, it seemed to overlook an army of Angels, even though the light was at a great distance the light surround the altar was nearly impossible to look at, The army of Angel were laid in what seemed to be a hierarchy. There was chatter amongst some of them, some were praising God in song while other went about their duties, keep everything in order. In the distance I saw the Archangel Michael he was barely beaten and was now being restored to his former self by the others. Just as I easily pointed out Michael, Gabriel was next to him among them there was five others. I had troubled God enough, but what was I suppose to do I was in heaven, I sat at the very bottom overlooking onto the sky these great wonders, a chair was fitted for me by some of the Angels. The hierarchy seemed to be diminishing as if they had finished discussing important matter. Gabriel came down on a beam of light to where I was now sitting. The Angels now fitted a chair next to mine, Gabriel now took a seat, and began to speak. “what a journey this has been for me and for you it seems, do you know why you are here?” No I have no clue I replied, why is Lucifer after my soul? “As our creator mentioned as the number of people grow so does the connection with God we are all connected with God in some way but at times there is a need for servants to do his bidding, and thus we choose individuals that are worthy of that duty, and you Michael have been chosen by God. Do you remember praying to God to give you a bigger purpose he heard your prayer and was waiting for the right moment.” I don’t understand if he choose me for the task why the dark mist, why the ghastly images. “Its all apart of the process for you to experience the pain that comes from being a half human, half angel especially for the job that you are to be appointed to, which is one of the many harvesters of souls.” You mean I was chosen to be Death? “Yes that is why the dark mist came to visit you to give you the gift of the power to harvest those who have passed, you are chosen to journey to hell, heaven, and back to earth to collect and place soul in their final judgment, but there are many rules which still need to be explained, to touch on some we live among you both Angel and Demon we only have the power to influence you to do the right or wrong thing in the case of the other side. Just like we choose you to be an Angel of Soul so does Lucifer have a chance to pursue his own purpose, for our creator gave us the will to choose, but Lucifer broke the rules, by not stating who he was as stated by the law of the cosmos.” But why would he break the rules, why I’m I so important? “Because there are many injustice on earth one of the cruelest being those crimes that deal with the hate of a human soul because of indifferences, thus your main purpose as death is to bring justice to those souls that are stuck on earth reliving their horrific moments everyday, you must seek out these human tainted by the crime and find a proper death, and place partial judgment, thus Lucifer saw a chance to gain more soul if he could convince thee to sign over your soul to work for him he could have made you bring all the soul collected to hell. Now I must ask you if you accept this duty, you can decline it’s your will, thus your choice.” I sat quietly contemplating the ramification of this choice, I could be sort of a super hero to hundreds of minorities including my community I could seek out injustices and bring justice to the horrific crimes of hate, but the only thing is that although that is my specific duty I would also have to harvest regular soul, I would have to witness people die over and over, families lose their children, loved ones lose the person that makes life worth living, could I bring myself to do that. I had only one question before I made my choice. “what about David will I have to leave him, could we ever be together?”, I asked. “You will live amongst human as half human, half angel, our law forbids you from ever revealing your identity to any human unless specified to. Thus your current body will live on until your time of death, but when your body dies your soul will live on, you will become immortal, you will age until that day, then you will be reborn to an age set by our laws, and live a new life.” I withdrew back to deep though so I can stay with David til my death and then I could never see him again, that wasn’t so bad I believed in my hear that I would live a long life and with that though I made up my mind that I would serve God. “Okay I accept the duty Gabriel, what happens next”, I asked. As I sat there Gabriel grab my hand, now were gently floating back to earth, past the city light into my room riding on light. Back to my bed, where he laid me, Gabriel closed his eyes and out of the darkness the dark mist came. Its dark particle shape hovered over me, slowly sinking into every hole in my skin, death was not so freighting no more, I now understood the images it was the gay man who was bashed a 3 years ago the one I wrote the article about, all the mysterious of death had been known to me. Gabriel began to speak, “Arise” as I rose my inner soul had changed my hair, and eye color changed to a black void, dark, yet my outer body still bared the marking of my current human life. “You bear the Angelic name Michael which means man of God. You are now Michael Angel of Death, now I must go and do my own duties but if you ever need me just call, and I shall came. I only have one warning that is at times the laws of the cosmos are broken we are challenge to fight our foes, the demons of Lucifer. Just remember your are made from God, and thus have the power to vanquish our enemy, and by the way your first duty is on the bed you will receive them in forms of letters only visible to you open them when no ones around, and complete your task.” Gabriel then vanished and as he previously said an envelope was awaiting there for me on earth only a few seconds had passed but for me it had felt like hours through my ordeal. It was still late night, and since I had no need for true sleep, I decided to take on my first task. I grabbed the envelope opened it a bright light beamed out, and began to magically show me my target. The image was blurry at first, as it materialized I fell to my knees in great pain for the humans side of me combined with the immortal side made the feeling multiply, tears began to run down my cheeks, my first target was David. He had never done anything evil in his life, he loved God eternally, but it was his time, and it was my Job to take the life of the man I loved.