Sleep

May this not be taken wrong but if i could sleep forever I would, not because I want to die, far from the truth. More of because I have not been able to sleep well for a couple of months. I know its due to stress but how to reduce my stress levels is unknown to me, I have tried many technique none that seems to really work. They only offer temporary relief from this anxiety that looms over me. One might say that I have developed some type of anxiety disorder. Which might hold some truth but the truth of the matter is poor Americans do not have the luxury of affording health care especially at my age and that face my unique situation. A salary of 800 dollars a month does not afford health care. Before comments fly in the mind of individual no this post is not about health care and who should deserve it because my ethical standards tell me everyone should and no matter what one hold to their beliefs tightly especially those that deal with humanity.

This post is just to try to relieve some of that stress in a constructive manner by spewing the large amount of water that flow through a tiny opening that are my emotions. A strange sensation always befalls on me when I look at the events that have passed in life they feel as that is not who I was meant to be. That I was put here for something greater to help mostly in some way to help others have a hope that I now lack. How is it that a person who feel so much sadness at time can be the same person who has helped many realize much more of their worth? Does this make any sense. One might be wondering and "how is it that you know that you have moved people in such a way" because I have been told before and because I have experience the difference in those that I have stir. Which brings me to another mystery of life if I have as they have praise me for my action moved them so much, why is it that the people I encounter disappear as fast like frame of a film. Are they users? maybe? I think they are afraid. Afraid of letting someone so nice in because maybe they know they would have hurt me in a greater sense. At least that's what I lead my self to believe. A much better outcome I even in my most naive self will remain to see humanity for what they can be instead of what we are.

ahh!

I haven't blogged in over two months which is a bit sad but I suppose these things to do happen my job keeps me on my feet and although I have had several idea for stories or just random thoughts and feelings to blog about never seem to get around to it. Currently I'm very pleased with how life is going I'm enjoying things as they come, life has many mysteries and the ones that are currently unfolding make me happy to the core.

Halloween Poems

The March

I sit in this prison forced to listen to the sounds
the proceeding army of goblins, witches, and demons.
The broken silence of my cell by the crunching sounds of foot soliders.
In march to clash among the fairies, angels and animals of the earth.
The rumbling grows near, will I survive? We are adhered to the middle ground.

Laughter... broken now by shouts of children.
Yelling at the top of there tiny lungs. Trick or Treat!
As Halloween boredom is broken by the handing out of sweets.







To be?

I have never felt such freedom from a spectrum of clothing.
Who or what shall I become? I can be anything I wish to be.
I ravage amongst my attic, amongst the department store frenzy.
Perfection must be achieved.

Who or what shall I become? I can be anything I wish to be.
One must not only be but embody.
I have never felt such freedom from a spectrum of clothing.
Costume building, making and choosing is like a shedding lizard.
Revealing endless possibilities, once a year.

I can become anything I wish to be. Anything my mind can ponder, far beyond simple wonders.
Halloween more than it always seems, surpassing childhood for even those who are all grown up.
Can ravage amongst their attics, amongst department store frenzy, to feel once again.
What it is to be young at heart, and anticipate to who or what they will become. Because we on that
cold chilly night be anything we wish to be.







Their Gazing Stare

The darkness surrounds me, as a cold wind blow from the north.
Flapping amongst my oddly shaped garment.

I feel their gazing stare...
Because they are everywhere...
Such an eerie feel...

No matter where I roam from north to south and east to west.
With group of friends or as a lone wolf.

I feel their gazing state...
Because they are everywhere...
one must be aware...
to avoid their memorizing stare...
Such an eerie feel...

Yet they break the dark shrouded night, with their amber gleam.
even though I can't shake their gazing stare
I can't break away they're everywhere...
such an eerie feel...

Now I made my pass through from north to south and east to west.
I feel its gazing stare....
As they sit adjacently to my door....
With its amber gleam no more...
As I blow out the Jack-o-Lanterns beam.

The Arcane Wanderer

a small warning this story might depict images that some might find offensive but know that its a fictional story and its purpose is to entertain.



His face was so vivid in my head, why is it that I can’t remember. It’s as if I’m infected by his disease his own soul I feel him inside of me I feel him in my head. Yet I can’t pinpoint where, when or who he is. “Michael I think you’re just under a lot of stress, with work after all you are working on “the most important article” in your life, your words not mine” Rebecca pointed out. “It’s not that Rebecca I’m being serious these dreams I keep having are more than just dreams, there more like memories” I replied. “Maybe you should pass on this article and take a break” Rebecca suggested. “No I can’t do that, and pass on a lifetime” I replied. “Anyways Mikey I have to go I have to do the laundry”. Yes I know your no longer a young and beautiful, you’re a motherly woman. Has to do the house work, feed the kids and get dinner ready for the wife” I joked. “You jerk! But what can I say some of us were meant to be maternal” Rebecca smiled. “Anyways call me later” She said as she exited the cafe.

Now walking home I was having second thoughts about telling Rebecca about the unusual dreams I have been having lately. On an academic level they would be described as Lucid Dream, a Dream so vividly real it could possibly affect your bodily functions. I’m glad she shrugged it off though I knew she would after all she’s my best friend and we tell each other everything. Although it didn’t resolve the why, at least I had a possibility as to what was causing it. Could it really be just stress? After all there are studies that show that extreme stress can affect your mental state. Maybe I was telling myself that to make myself feel better. Honestly I didn’t want to believe a conventional answer; because the dreams felt more than lucid they in my mind were reality. Although Rebecca was my best friend I hadn’t been totally honest about my dreams. How could I, how do you tell someone that every night some stranger literally appears in your room and then you have horrible nightmares of death, brutal murders, beatings, and gory scenes. You don’t! I thought that was the answer. Walking down the street in a queer neighbourhood you would imagine a queer would feel safer than usual. Lately that wasn’t the case as I reached closer to my apartment the distance felt as if it was growing miles away as though I wasn’t meant to get home. I constantly felt like being watched. Maybe Rebecca was right maybe I was stressing so much I was losing it.

Finally I had reached my apartment building I couldn’t help it but each time I opened the door to the complex I was reminded of the first time I had moved into this neighbourhood. I had just graduated from High School from a farming community outside of Austin wanting to experience life and honestly trying to get away from small town mentality and into the big city hoping to meet others like myself, others who were gay. I applied for a scholarship so that I might attend UT Austin and when I received the letter stating that I was granted the scholarship I immediately packed my bags took my car, said my goodbyes without a care and left my former life. At the time all I could think of was, who could have ever imagined me, A 5’7”, 130 Lbs, blue eyed blond country boy moving to the big city. I found a job at the local newspaper as an Editor, they quickly hired me after I explained to them that I was going to college to get my degree in English and that I wanted to improve on my writing. I personally felt my writing was more than decent, it just needed refining. That memory could always cheer me up and make me forget about my surroundings. “Excuse me!” I heard from behind me I hadn’t noticed that there was someone behind me I was deeply in thought. Then I heard grunting as I turned around there was someone holding a couch. “Oh I’m sorry” I quickly moved out of the way, apparently someone was moving in. I trailed behind what seemed to be a couch with human legs it was to big to distinctly tell who was behind it or in front of it. Arriving at my floor and to my surprise the couch was heading to the apartment across mine. I waited till whoever was behind the couch came back outside in order to introduce myself and to welcome him or her to the neighbourhood, and honestly to apologize for my rudeness for holding up the door. “Hi my names Michael nice to meet you”, I blurted to the guy that walked out of the apartment. He said nothing and stared, which made me feel odd, then he replied “I’m not the one moving in here I’m just here to help Him” as he pointed to the his friend. “Oh!” I embarrassingly replied. I tried to hide my red face, “sorry about that”. “Hi my name is Michael welcomes to the neighbourhood” I continued. “Hi my names David, thanks” he replied as he smiled. “I’m sorry can you excuse me I need to get the rest of my things up here”. “Oh sorry and sorry about hogging the door” I semi-yelled down the stairs, as he ran down them. He then shouted back “its okay, maybe we can talk later”. I had unlocked my apartment door and stepped in I was so excited I took the cell out of my pocket and pressed 3 the speed dial number for Rebecca. You’re not going to believe this but I have the hottest new neighbour, I just met him as he was moving in to the apartment across mine. “Well tell me how he looks” she replied. “He’s tall about 5’11”, has sandy brown hair medium built and a great ass. Sort look like Ewan McGregor but hotter and younger and the best part is that he said he wanted to talk later”. “Finally let’s hope you get yourself a boyfriend, like that I can have sometime with the family”, she replied. “I know I’m sorry I just been a bit stressed lately. Well anyways its late just wanted to brag, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye”. I had almost forgotten about the dreams I had been having until I walked into my room and realized it was time for bed. It had become apparently nerve racking, sleeping. I wasn’t sure what waited when I closed my eyes. I was beginning to feel afraid that some how I wasn’t going to wake up.

Chp 2

I laid my thing on my chair next to a small desk I had, and got ready for bed. I began to pace contemplating whether I should go to sleep or not and if so for how long. As I paced back and forth I began to conjure up ideas as to what was going on. Although many made logical sense it’s the ideas that made no sense what caught my attention. What if God was punishing me for being gay. Unlike most gay men and women my belief in God was entirely different. While most accepted God, and turn their backs on religion. I was the contradiction to that belief I believed in God but also believed what religion had taught, and what the bible said about homosexual that we were all going to hell. Being gay never came easy, but no one promised that it would, so why did i expect it to be. The answer might lie in faith, or is it humanity. A belief that humanity is handed down a right to find happiness, a right to live as we see fit, or is our life destined to be what our creator would like it to be. This is the question I had asked my self for many years. I am uncertain of what I deeply feel, because I can not understand. I often think it is not meant to be understood but that just makes the pain worse. Not knowing that God loves you. That’s because there is a slight chance that being who I am will only bring me sorrow and damnation. Maybe I was finally receiving my answer, and it was an unpleasant one. Maybe these visions I was seeing were a sign to what was in store for me down the line. I had always asked God to give me a purpose to make me something more a purpose more than the ordinary life contains. I would pray for death, and then after I had died I prayed that God would make me an Angel so that I would have a greater purpose in life. I paced around my room till I was too tired, and had no choice but to fall asleep; after all I had work in the morning. That is not to say that there was no hesitation on my part, as I laid my head on my pillow I wanted to fight the urge for sleep, yet to no avail I drifted into sleep. As I lay sleeping I remember I began to dream, dream about my future, nothing out of the ordinary. Suddenly in mid dream I felt as if I had hit a wall, a strong blockage came over me. I felt immobilized from the neck down, and I knew. I opened my eyes the blue flashing LED light from the clock never seemed so haunting the time was 3:00AM. I panned across the dark room. I must be dreaming, I repeated other wise why is that I can’t move my body. As I laid there a coldness blanketed the room and darkness over took the minimal glimpsing light that existed. As the window magically opened and the dark moon peered in and all that was visible was a dark mist riding on moonbeams down to the room. I knew it was him, he had come again. The mist began to transform into a tangible figure of a male. It was a tall tanned skin male, his structure was built but lean. His eyes a dark void and his hair was long and dark. He had a dark crystalline sash around his mid area as to semi cover but not totally censoring the area. As if it was made to lessen the shock but not derive from its purpose which was to be his dress. It almost looked like something ceremonial something that had meaning. As he took complete shape he began to speak and his voice was that of thunder, deep, and roaring yet gentle enough for me to understand what was being said. He began to walk to closer to the edge of my bed as he spoke “I’m the deliverer but first you must see” and at that time I noticed that for the first time there as another, much different that this one but it seemed to be here for the same purpose, as he stood on the opposite corner he watched. As the dark male figure came over me, He gently placed his hand on my head as to align it with his eyes. He looked into them as he gently lower his hand down my face and onto my chest. Then as he placed his hand on my heart, he leaned in and began to speak “Now you shall see, and may mysteries be unveiled” he lowered his head and placed his lips against mine, as if he was going to kiss me. What seemed to be emotions, memories and vision poured in, then death. Death all around me as I opened my eyes I was in a place I didn’t recognize, faces of people in pain, in total darkness. Then immediately I went through a dark tunnel as fast as I had ever traveled and I was on top of a building looking down on three individual I could not hear what was being said but they seemed to be in some type of argument two of the individuals began to shout at the third individual, then it felt as someone hit zoom and I was right next to them. As the two shouting individuals rushed against the one and began to brutality beat him, as he fell to the floor his noise began gushing with blood. They continued to kick him while he was down then as they kicked him his eyes filled with such horror and pain, he looked up at me as if he could see me. Looked at me for help, but I couldn’t move I couldn’t shout or speak. They began to stomp on him until there was no recognizable feature. I went through a cycle of what seemed to be murders, deaths, and beating. I didn’t know what this all meant, and then something new happened, something that hadn’t ever happened. I was in a room with people and they were all dressed in black and I knew I was at a funeral service and then all of sudden pain, sharp pain all around my body the voices and feeling of all those attending began to penetrate every opening of my body. It felt like a millions of paper cuts, scrapes, bruises and heart ache. I began to scream….”NOOOOOOO! Stop! Please make it stop!” Tears filled my eyes, “Why are you doing this” I screamed, “why me”. Then he spoke “because you….” Then from the other corner “Stop that is enough! Now is not the time”, and as instantly as they appeared they were gone, and I had no answer as to what was happening to me.

Chap 3

My body was tired from what I had just gone through I collapsed and I feel into deep sleep so deep that the remainder of the night felt like seconds. I finally had awaken and I was late for work the peering morning sun hurt my eyes. The window was open and I knew that what I was mistaking as dreams were now reality. I hadn’t worked on my article since I began to have these encounters with whatever the dark mist was. The deadline was growing near and I was behind. I scrambled to shower, bathed as fast as possible, ran out and sorted through my drawer and closet for suitable work attire. It felt as if I was doing this all in slow motion and my body wouldn’t budge. As I continued to quickly dress I began to recall the night that had just passed. The voices were so vividly clear, the vision etched into my eyes. My heart began to race but there was no time to sit and think my next course of action I was already late, and it seemed inevitable I would have to give up the biggest article of my career. Luckly living downtown the office was close enough for me to walk but far enough for me to arrive an hour late. I hurried in through the front door waved to Jennifer our front desk receptionist. “Mr. Pemble wants to see you in his office” she quickly stated. I knew immediately he was going to ask about the article I was writing. After all it could possible expose the lack of compassion the Police Department had for gays and other minorities. The Story I was working on is about a murder that happened not to far away from where I currently lived, it was placed under cold case files a year ago. Then reports began to surface that there was lack of investigation, and proper questioning. Due to the Chief of Police being the leader of a religious extremist group. The young man that was murdered was gay, and they had labeled it as a hate crime. The group that had funded his campaign two year ago and appointed him chief pressured him to focus on more important thing than a life that my community was not worth the police force attention. I was honored to work on this article but with the things that had been going on in my personal life, I was going to have to pass the work I had completed to someone else. Mr Pemble would just have to understand. I passed by cubical and on my way to his office and before I could get there, he was no more than a few feet away from me. “Ah, just the person I wanted to see” He excalimed. “Good Morning Mr Pemble you wanted to see me”, I replied. “Yes about the article how’s it coming along?”, he asked “Its coming along well Mr Pemble”, as I paused, “but…But?” he replied. “I wont be able to finish it. I’m having some personal issues and I wanted to ask you if I could take some days off” I replied. I was ready for the worst his face seemed to drop. “Well I though you would never ask, you have been acting a bit weird lately. Take two weeks off, he replied. In the five year you worked here you’ve been one of my hardest workers and I appreciate it, as a matter of fact I want you to give the work you have done on the article to Jason and I will credit you both for it. After all you poured your soul into it, it seems” he replied. “Thank you Mr Pemble”, I replied as I began to walk in the opposite direction. I was relieved maybe I did need some time off, and maybe thing would get better, now that I had time off. Even though I was a bit sad that I had to leave my work to others at least my name would still be credited. I began to walk home I hadn’t even placed my work bag down I was still carrying it, and I was leaving already. I waved goodbye to Jennifer “I’ll see you in two weeks” I shouted as I hurried out the door. “Two weeks? Where are you going”, she replied. “Mr Pemble gave me a vacation”, I waved goodbye as I was exiting. She seemed a bit confused but I didn’t want to stop to explain I wanted to be outside in the open, feel the air against my face. It had felt as if I was holding my breath for hours. I felt relieved maybe now I could figure out what was wrong with me. As I walked back to my apartment in no hurry, I had almost forgotten about that I had a new neighbor David, I began to day dream. Just like a school boy day dreams about picnics, romantic walks, deep passionate kisses, and some heavy petting. The warm sun never felt so good against my face, and the thought didn’t hurt. As I was reaching my apartment complex I began to get a strange feeling, as if the sky was falling on me. I began to panic I ran to the door a strong gust, so sudden, out of nowhere. Then spoken word his voice falls upon my ears like thoughts “Death will find you”.

“Michael are you okay”...In mid panic I realize that David was now speaking to me, and Probably wondering why I’m flushed and panting like as if I’m about to crock from a heart attack. As I come to my sense I replied, “yes I’m fine, I was just running, must have lost my breath more than I realized”. “Running in D&G suit?”, As he stared at me more oddly than when I was panting, as I tried to come up with the worse excuse in a lifetime all I could come up with was…”I read in an article that running in suit can help your self esteem”. I was now even redder than the day I had met him. “Oh, okay”, he replied in a semi-confused state with a hint of disbelief. “Yeah, anyways I’m off for two weeks, do you want to get a drink or something later”, I asked. I smiled trying to hold back a grin hoping for a yes. “Yeah, that be great after all the only reason I was able to move is because I took a week off”, he replied. “Then I’ll see you around 9? Is that okay or is that too late?” I asked. “No that perfectly fine, anyways drinking to earlier isn’t my thing”, he replied. Okay ill see you later as I was midway through the complex door. “Okay, bye” as he exited. I quickly ran up the stairs, ran across the hall to my apartment door, unlocked it, and began to scream as I entered. “I have a date!” I was so excited then why had the feeling of eminent doom not dissipated, I was still scared. I tried not to think of it too much. I keep telling myself “you have a date and you shouldn’t think about whatever it was that was after me”. Yet I was only fooling myself and deep inside I knew my day would come.

Chap 4

It was barely noon and I had to keep myself occupied, so I had decided in order not to think about the dark mist the name that I had given the haunting figure figuratively speaking. Because I couldn’t positively call it a haunting, I did consider the possibility that I was losing it. To avoid thinking any further I decided to begin sending SMS text to Rebecca because I knew she would answer. Sure enough she did, and I began to brag about my date. We texted for few hours as the hour of my date grew closer, I began to prepare what I was going to wear. I knew that keeping my mind occupied would make me feel better at least for a few hours. I began to argue with logic whether I should explain to Rebecca further of my experience, but I was afraid. Afraid of being judged no matter how much or long you’ve known someone when it comes to matter that are out of the ordinary, that might be considered taboo or extraordinary it changes your view about those who you closely know. Humanity fears the unknown, including my self, for I wasn’t truly concrete on what was happening to me. I feared my own fears, and if I feared what is not known to me what would others think. Even if it was Rebecca she would just say I was stressed out or worse get her worried that I was neglecting a health concern. She might go as far as suggesting that I should console a doctor. What does science know about the abnormal. For if there is no evidence, a formula, or if thing don’t add up then it is regarded as fiction. I Pray to God to uncover the mysteries of the universe one only needs to believe, faith is truth. Whether our God is one in the same not apply. For me it is the God that I have grown to know by faith, and by what has been tough to me. The idea of Angels, Demons, Heaven, and Hell is reality in my eyes. The simplest logic in mind was that whatever was haunting me seemed to be evil. I could only speculate that what I had feared the most that my life was disapproved by God, and maybe I’m meant to be served as an example, A warning for all those who live as I do. It was 5:30 PM an hour an half till I had my date. I had worked my self into a frenzy, I was now worried, anxious, and pacing. I laid a baby Blue t-shirt, and blue jeans on the bed. I wanted to keep it simple after all it was just a drink. I tried talking myself out of worry, and began to think about topics to discuss on our date. I jumped into the shower around 5:50 and usually showered for 30-45 minutes usually a perfect timing. The shower was relaxing me, water always did, the feeling of the water drop from the shower head as they came in contact with my body. I would always imagine them to be rain, not just any rain but special rain. Rain that could cleanse my worries and troubles, I would often imagine the rain being composed of nothing by light as they hit my body they would transcend threw me cleaning me of any troubles and worries. It always seemed to work for me when I was feeling rather down. Just like it was working now but it couldn’t last forever as I snapped out of my deep though I finished the remainder of the shower. Nothing out of the ordinary the usual scrub, I quickly finished as time was falling short. I dried quickly, ran into the room and quickly dressed. The time now was 6:55 PM “just in time”, I said out loud. “Time for what” came from the living room corner, I was startled semi turned and tripped over my shoes and fell into the recliner, next to the fireplace. “Who are you?” I spoke loudly. “Now you know I can’t tell you, not now” the voice now came from beside me. The figure of a male now sitting in the love seat next to me, but there was something different it wasn’t the dark mist like before it was his companion. He then lightly chuckled and vanished. I had caught but a small glimpse of him and now he was gone. He was tall, blond, his eyes were burning like the sun, and he seemed to have a calmer yet jovial disposition. Snapping out of my thoughts my anger began to grow, I began to scream at my walls. “Why are you here! Why are you doing this to me! Get the fuck out, get out”. As I was screaming I failed to notice the door bell was ringing it took me a few second to come to my senses. I was now red and flustered as I opened the door. It was David at the door. He stared at me, “Are you okay? Who are you screaming at? Is everything okay?” He asked. I can’t believe for the third time I was caught in an awkward situation. “Yes everything okay, a bird just flew in through my window and it was eating my flowers that I have in a vase”, I replied. He looked at me in disbelief, but at the same time he seemed to be focused on if I was ready to go. “Are you ready to go?” He asked, as I uttered “I’m ready”. We both laughed and our date began.

Chap 5

David kept asking if I was okay which lead me to believe that I was outwardly showing my anxiety. How do you forget someone just appearing in your living room and vanishing just as instant. It’s one thing to speculate that your dream aren’t dream it another realizing that they have become truth. I wasn’t sleeping this time there was no room for error, I was certain that I was awake. So yes I was anxious but I was fighting it to focus on him. We arrived at our destination living so close to downtown made it easy to walk to the local bars. It also gave us time to break the ice walking under the city lights, and buildings. As usual our opening conversation was about the simplest things, how his day has been, the moving experience, and what he thought so far about the complex and the area. Its at the bar that the conversation become more interested. We both agreed to sit at a table next to the window, a plus for me as I enjoyed watching the people walk by. I needed something strong something with a kick so I immediately ordered a martini. David ordered a Cosmo for himself. “So what is it that you do?” I asked. “Well this it’s kind of embarrassing but if you promise not to laugh then I’ll tell you”, he replied. I nodded in agreement not to laugh. “Well I have two degrees, I went for a double major in college. Although I’m currently working toward a doctorial for one of the two”, he explained. “So what are they, I promised not to laugh”, I replied. “Well I have a masters in Divinity and a bachelor in physics”, he explained. The expression on my face must have shown, I was in awe, “I told you would laugh” he replied. “No I’m not laughing I’m impressed as a matter of fact more of interested how one can mix science and religion”, I replied. “Well my views differ from what most of the people I meet. I believe in God, yes but I believe in much more. I believe physics the study of the world and universe is God. I want to prove God exist through science. Very odd I know the arguments, but I believe I can do it. The measure of a great scientist is not whether his theory is right it is believing in his work until it becomes truth”, he explained. “So what about Angles, and Demons, do you believe in there existence?” I replied. “Yes, they are as real as you and me, it is how you perceive them that differs among everyone. Some believe there in a divine world per say, some believe there in different planes. While others believe there among us, they look, act, and speak like you and me”, he explained. “So what is it that you believe?” I asked. “Are they on another plane, a divine world, or are they among us”, I asked. “Well its not important what I believe it more important on what you want to believe. I’m surprised you haven’t cut me off and began debating the existence of God, or tried to disprove his existence by pointing out the flaws in the bible”, he replied. In all honesty its because I believe and think the same way. Yes, I have often asked my self, what if the book was just written by man, and they added what they saw fit. I also ask myself what if not, what if it was God through inspiration. I will not be subjected to decided that is not my place, I will have my chance, in death to know truth. Till then I see it as truth and although most don’t see it that way, I do”, I explained. “So enough about what I do, what is that you do”, He asked. “I’m a writer for the local newspaper”, I replied. He seemed as interested in what I did as I was in what he did. This was refreshing to me considering that he had two degrees and I only had one, in enlgish which had no true comparision to divinity or science. “Any interesting articles”, he asked. “Well I was working on one about a hate crime and the possibility of a cover up by the police. I gave it up though it was getting to stressful and needed a break, that why I’m here normally I would be writing or researching”, I explained. “Very interesting I could never be a writer I have no artistic flow, and I’m not very good at interviewing and connecting with people”, he replied. He looked up and smiled. “I have to admit that its been a long time since I had this much fun, or in common with someone. We believe in one the most important things in life that is the existence of God and the theology behind it”, he shyly replied. I looked up smiled back and decided to be bold and make a more forward move. I then placed my hand on top of his, and there was no rejection. At that moment I forgot all the bad things that had been happening. We continued our conversation about life, love, and family, it was now 11:30 PM time had flew by. Nothing could have broken us from our conversation. Not the people running about outside like busy ants, neither the waiter nor the shirtless guys in the bar. I wouldn’t go as far to say love but I knew I wanted to see more of David from now on and hope for the best. As we sat something caught my attention right outside on a parked car. There he was leaning, the mysterious guy that had appeared in my living room he looked at me smiled and waved over as he ran west. “Are you okay?” David interrupted my thought. “Yes, but I must go, ill explain later” I replied, I leaned in, in a rush, kissed him and began to walk out the door. “Wait!” he exclaimed, grabbed my hand from behind he turned me around and kissed me. He smiled and I embarrassingly ran after the mysterious stranger.


Chap 6

Although my time with David was enjoyable I directed all my focus onto the mysterious stranger. As I got closer to him, he seemed to be further and further away. He seemed to be an entity that I would never catch up to, running across streets, and swirling around the city environment. I followed closely occasionally he would glance back to let me know that our destination wasn’t the current position we were at and that we must travel further. Now I was 5 blocks away from the bar and 8 away from my apartment, the chase was pressing I was now getting frustrated. Then it seemed as out of nowhere my vision came upon a tall structure, it seemed ancient. It was a tall, its composite was limestone. At first I wasn’t aware of what it was as I was focusing at the mysterious stranger entering the apparently abandoned building. As I drew closer I noticed the tall spires and stained windows. It was an old church, at the moment I couldn’t recall previously a church being here. The tension in my upper body grew I began to feel a bit of uncertainty whether I should enter or not. I began to remind myself if I wanted to get to the bottom of this I had no apparent choice but to walk in. After all I had been in worse situation interviewing criminals, officials and important people. Then again they were alive and I knew they were, but this? I had no idea what I was getting into. I gathered my strength and began pacing forward toward the entrance. The environment was extremely quit even self thoughts are overbearing; a gentle breeze began to blow as I approached closer. The whistling grass made me uneasy as I placed my hand on the large heavy decorated door. Angels extending their hands as the light of God bathed them, for an old building the door seemed well intact and the detail was impressively visible. I entered and the light from a small fire place where an altar should be was the only light piercing the darkness. As I entered a nice warmness came over me, the force of the door was heavy enough that as I walked away it sealed the opening which it was guarding. Around the fire place was two tall bookshelves on either side, the book it held seemed as ancient as the building it self. Slightly in front of the fireplace were two leather chairs facing the fire and in the middle a small podium. The backdrop was the door opening and the rows of church benches. I yelled “hello?” it echoed and reverberated what seemed for a lengthy period. I was now anxious and didn’t want to speak anymore but did I have a choice? I began to argue with myself whether I should leave quietly or demand to know what was happening. When I though I had made up my mind but right before enacting it, I heard a voice. “Well…” it echoed but not as loud as my previous echo. Startled I looked behind me then I returned to my previous position and in front of the fire place there he was. Tall, Blond haired, White burning eyes, with a smirk on his face. He began to speak, “I know you have many question but before you say anything might I suggest sitting”, his voice was animated almost excited but it kept a serious tone. I approached close and before I sat I was beginning to speak but was interrupted. “As I mentioned hold you question to the end let me attempt to explain everything I must without deviating from my true purpose. Now I must get to the point, He will come to you, and he will try to persuade you, you must resist, for a great death awaits. He is darkness, cold, and heartless. You have been warned”. Gabriel now directing his speech at me asked, “any questions?” As I was about to speak he interrupted, “Well that’s great, no question”. He then charged at me placed his hands on the chair arms encasing me with in, looked into my eyes. “DO not disappoint me, doing so will disappoint him. My name is Gabriel”, as he vanished. Yet again I had no answer. My mind went blank and the church and everything in it dissipated I was now in standing on an empty lot. It was all to quick and felt like a dream. I began to walk home in disappointment I hadn’t come any closer to knowing anything remotely dealing with what I was going through just a warning by this mysterious stranger, who identified himself as Gabriel. To many thought passing through my head, I could barely comprehend any of them. I approached my door. To my surprise the only good news that had come out of this evening was a small note placed on my door. It was from David, it read “I had a great time, thank you”. My cell phone had been vibrating all night, it was from Rebecca, all she wanted to know is how things went. I walked in I was now tired too tired to take off my clothing I laid on the bed and passed out.



Chap 7

3 years had passed the visits from the dark mist had stopped, The stranger named Gabriel the warnings he predicted had yet to come true. It was more of a relief that things had settled down, I rarely gave thought to the events that had past. David and I had now been dating for 3 years and things were going great. Living across each other one would imagine that we might drive ourselves crazy. Although it would seem that way, that’s not how our relationship was, with work, and David getting his masters we saw each other a minimal of twice a week. It worked for the mean time. We had fallen in love. We were getting very serious, to a point where discussion of a possibility of moving in together. In all honesty the idea stirred some fear within me, I had always been very independent. I wasn’t used to having someone around; then again it wasn’t just anyone. It was the man that in his minute time can alleviate my wounds, the one person who can turn my blue days into luminous fields of flowers, like when you release cottonwood pollen against a sunny day. The person who challenges change with in me, what is a better measure of love, It’s a person who will point out your faults, but loves you regardless, encouraging change. I couldn’t ask for anything more. So why was I so afraid of sharing life with another. I had no apparent answer beside that I was being ridiculous. Like we all are in moments of the up most certainty. The only certainty one has of their humanity is their uncertainty. If we do not experience uncertainty then how can we be considered human. Fear of the many possibilities of life is inevitable, even when life deals bad cards the only action one can do is trust in God, friends, family, or find that strength within yourself. Whatever it is one believes we must strive to keep moving. So I had decided to tell him that “yes”, he could move in. I saw it in his eyes that he had made up his mind; never had I experienced such a love from another. David’s glare was loving, warm, having a sense of care and when it fell upon me, I have no doubts that he loves me, but it is I that has doubts if I can love him as much as he loves me. One can argue that if he didn’t love me he wouldn’t consider the move, which is logical. No matter how much one can repeat that in their head, it doesn’t calm the feeling. It was Friday, and for the most part we had Saturday off. So I had planned to leave a small letter in front of his apartment door a reminiscence of our first date. I was very bad at art but that didn’t hinder my attempt to draw a basic heart and flowers on the letter an almost childish form of art, with the written words within the inside flap, “In my heart there will always be a place for the love we share, identically like there’s space in my life for you”. I always came home first, no matter how tired I was feeling I was going to place that letter on that door. I had spent the last 30 minutes trying to figure what the right words were. In the end simplicity won. I had only 15 minute to place it on his door more than enough time to place the note and get ready for bed. I knew by the time he would arrive he would be tired and I rarely went over to spend time with him at night. Not because we didn’t want to but because we understood each others needs. It was more practical to see one another during day light. I ran across the hall placed the note and ran back to my room. I jumped into my bed, and immediately after closing my eyes I began to dream, dreams of my future life with David by my side. It comforted me, putting me in a deep peaceful sleep.

My body lying motionless in comfort a comfort one experience when life is well. Unknowing it had been denying me of truth, denying me of the experiences I was experiencing before. I had ignored all the past event but like all thing when they are ignored they just begin to grow, and this experience, problem, dilemma whatever one would label it was no different. I had ignored it long enough, and tonight the best night I was having while asleep it came, and it came quickly. Again the mysterious mist riding on rays of darkness came through my window, my body once again immobilized. Was it fear? or something unnatural when the lines are blurred and what makes reality undistinguishable is when your conscious begins to create scenarios of helplessness. No matter how much I tried to figure it out, was I making myself immobile or not. The feeling would not leave, it lingered and drove fear into my heart. The dark mist now materializing in front of me, once again I believed it to be alone at the beginning yet there was someone else in the room. “Gabriel!” I angrily yelled, “is that you?” There was no response for a few moments. As slow as the moments seemed a response came from the darkness. “Away with you, he is mine” as a tall dark haired man appeared from the corner, he was wearing a stunning dark red suit. His smile was radiant, his eyes seemed to peer through my soul. Dark endless eyes, pale skin and a deep clear yet antiquated voice, a voice full of knowledge, full of experience. With a wave of his hand my paralysis dissipated deep into my muscles. I caught myself staring at him it was as if I couldn’t take my eyes of him, as if I had known him since I was born. He then smiled, I snapped out of my deep gaze, and thanked him for his help. As to which he replied to be nothing at all, as a matter fact he seemed pleased that I was pleased. He leaned slowly walked closer, I then sat up shirtless against my head board. He then sat on the bed next to where I was laying, and began to speak.

“So I see Gabriel has been up to his games, always recruiting without notification did he really think I would’nt have found out. What a fool, now that I am here shall we?”, as he looked at me in question...”Shall we what, what are you talking about, what going on?” I asked. “Now, now we mustn’t waste time, what if I told you I could give you everything all you ever wanted, everything that you ever dreamt of. Now, now children don’t be surprised I offer you the world”. He said as he waved his hand in a magical gesture and a small globe appeared on the palm of his left hand, he then reached in his inner coat pocket with his right hand and took out a musical tuner. He them blew the note G-C-E flat-D-C and then a band began to play out of nowhere somewhat of a show tune and he began to sing.

That’s Right!

Some call me crude
Or You call me forward
But let tell you!

I can make you a kinggggggggg…..
…..in your case a queen (he chuckled, as I smirked as he said queen I zoomed into the United kingdom through the small globe he was holding and now found myself in Buckingham palace in boxer wearing a crown, holding a scepter, and all the world leader where at my feet.)

Servant at your bidding yes sir….
Oh! Taste the wine and hear the band.
Right this way……(suddenly I was back in my room and I began to instantly travel somewhere else)

Maybe your adventurous…
Come watch the lions play. (I was now somewhere in the savannah)
Relax and play as the zebras stroll along your door way.

That’s Right!

Some might Call me crude
Or You can call me forward
Some might call me the prophet of doom.

(What? Suddenly I was back in more once more and quickly heading to our next destination)

Oh never mind that last line, It just business.

Oh liza! Oh Liza! Maybe you’re vain, liking attention.
Come on let start celebrating. Broadway!
(I was now on a stage with dancers in a production of Cabaret)
Oh! Oh! Let not go that gay, I mean that way!
Start by admitting you like money, Wall Street!
(I was now sitting in an office atop the empire state building in an luxurious office)
I promise all the riches this world can bring.
A house
A car
Diamonds!

That’s Right!

Some call me crude
Or you can call me forward
Some call me the downfall of humanity.

(downfall humanity?)

Just a formality (I was now back in my room)
Yes I know….
Love! Love! Love!
Just walking down the streets (I was now walking down the street just outside my apartment)
They follow, let them follow, give them want they want.
Kiss them
Play with them
Tease them
(I was now surrounded by hundreds of hot men all wanting me touch me everywhere)

Now now don’t get ahead of yourself….


( all thing in the world where at my feet, I was having more fun than I had ever had. I felt powerful could I really have anything I wanted. Anything at all, I was hooked I had made my mind to what I already wanted. I was entranced)

That’s Right!

I can give you the world.
Some call me crude
Or you can call me forward
Let just get down to business
They call me evil.

(huh?)

Now don’t listen to what I just said……
Let seal the deal.

Sing your name here.


(ouch! As he pricked my finger, “what was that for?”, I exclaimed. “Well we need ink” he replied, the music continued in the background I was excited I could now make my wish.)

Just signnnnnnnnnn Hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

“Stop!” A booming voice came from nowhere. It was Gabriel. The music stopped and the charming dark haired man was now a horrific figure, his face was sharp, skeletal, a dark red tint was the color of his skin. His head was narrow but grew outward reveling long spiraling horns, he snickered as his snake like tongue slithered. Now his ghoulish eyes met with Gabriel’s they were full of hate and animosity, they seemed ready to do battle. “It is my turn have you forgotten the rules” the ghoulish figure stated. “I have not forgotten any rules Lucifer”, Gabriel replied. “It is not I that has broken the rules, you failed to mention who you were, and did you forget your name in your charming song” he explained. “Satan!” I gasped. “You fool” he turned toward me slamming his fist against the bed as a thunderous noise radiated from the impact. “I almost had you, humans how insignificant and greedy, and slow”, he snarled. “Why must you doubt, deep inside”, he screeched. “That is enough! Lucifer”, Gabriel shouted. “You have no power over me, you as well as I know that. His soul his mine”, he exclaimed. With his massive hands he grabbed what seemed to be my soul it felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my body, it felt like when your hurt by someone you love but the pain is multiplied many times. The floor began to shake and the wall began to crack an opening through the apartment complex down the many floors pasted the many tenants opened as he dragged my soul with him as he hovered down unseen stairs that were laid to His convenience. I tried screaming but it seemed no one could here or see me the world around me had not stopped but was unaware of the events that were occurring around them. We reached the bottom floor where the concrete began to open and the earth crust was visible. There was now magma, which began to crust and form a spire of stair that lead into a deep nothing. I continued screaming as I looked behind me Gabriel was diving toward me. I now understood he was the Angel Gabriel, the messenger of God. As Gabriel approached Lucifer right hand where I was in his grasp a dagger appeared in Gabriel hand, just when he was about to strike, Lucifer turned quickly, and as immediately as he did a huge fired covered sword slashed across Gabriel chest. As light poured out of his wound he fell quickly to the ground, he looked up as I was screaming in fear and pain our eyes now locked, they were filled with such sadness, the look in his eyes was so power it transcended to my now stolen soul. Gabriel now gently falling down the dark abyss that had opened as his body was consumed by light he seemed to mumble something, but I could not make sense of it. Fear had now consumed me I began to panic more than I previously was. I try to break Satan’s grasp to no avail, we were now midway down the large dark spiral stairs that had been created by the earth magma. Now amidst the darkness came faint figures beside me. I looked around me, I began to scream “help me, help me”. “Is there anyone here!” Satan laughed at my foolish attempt to call for help. Now the faint figures became clearer, and what seemed to be speaking came from the thousand of shadows that could not be seen. “ahhh! Ahh!” A ghoulish moan, it only enhanced my fear. As my mind tried to make out what was making the ghoulish noises. “ahh, ahh” As I pinpointed where the sound was coming from sharp pains began to come from various direction. My soul was begin torn apart as I looked around I was able to see thousands of people being torn apart now, moaning in pain, as demons tore their perfect souls apart over and over. Some prayed to no avail, as demons just tore their vocal chords out, stepped on their heads till it they became a bloody pulp, nothing but pain everywhere. Some seemed to be re-living moment in their life that were significant. As they experience what seemed to be sons, daughter, and loved ones die, over and over. I was now being picked off slowly by the demons aligning the long stair way into an even darker abyss. It was my turn to be torn apart, the paint was unbearable screaming seemed useless. The feeling of tear ran down my soul. I was now in hell. I had no hope, I began to tell myself that I deserved to be here, it was because I was gay, I was certain. I looked up and said “God I accept your punishment”. As all my hope was drained from me, out of nowhere a bright light came bursting through the many layers of earth it seemed as if the sun had barely discovered the dark space that had surrounded it. Faster than I could understand what the light was my soul was now tired unable to move as I laid on the stairs. I turned my gaze up, too see what had happened. The light was another Angel it was tall, white, built it was wearing red, its armor it had resembled that almost of a roman warrior. His sword was made of light as it clashed against the dark red flaming sword which Lucifer yielded. Their gazed locked, Lucifer began to speak.

“Michael, we meet again. Why is it that you have come to my domain, you have no right”, Lucifer exclaimed. “It is not I that have broken the rules, and although you almost took his soul before Gabriel passed on back to the Garden he called on me. Thus allowing me to see your treachery, did you think he would not call, must you be that foolish”. The Archangel Michael yelled. He then turned to me and spoke “we all have will, and with will comes choice, pray to our creator for the understanding” I then closed my eyes and with the last once of strength, I had began to pray. “God, although I am hopeless, and beaten, I have accepted whatever your path for me has been, and I have struggled to accept that I’m worthy of your love, make me understand for I can’t. Give me the hope to know the difference and power to understand it.” I opened my eyes Michael was losing, the prayer didn’t work, was I destined for hell? Had I made my choice long ago by living this life as a Gay man. Michael was now on his knees as the many hordes of demons climbed on his back assisting their master Lucifer. Lucifer then laughed, turned and looked at me “you are mine”. My mind had always believed that I was destined to hell but now my heart was beginning to. In that instance light broke through darkness and my beaten, cold shattered soul, felt warmth, and love, and I knew it was God. Lucifer screamed “NOOOO!” as me and Michael were drawn up through the light, past my apartment complex, past the city, past the clouds, and now I looked around me and I was in space I saw the sun on the horizon shining its light on the world. The light became brighter as it drew close to our destination somewhere between the world and space, a place that normally would be non-existence in the minds of academics, it was heaven. I was now on a bed of white feathers. “Rise my child” A bright light spoke it was figureless, intangible. God! I began to tear I had never felt a love so immense so powerful. Are we destined to be damned? The question just poured out of my mouth, a question I had been harboring in my soul since I had known that I was gay. It was God, He needed no explanation He knew what I was referring to. It fell quiet for a few seconds but those seconds felt as days had passed. The immense light surrounded my frail beaten soul, like a warm embrace it nursed my wounds, after the short pause, after it had finished nursing me back to my former self. He answered “I love all my creation equally…I love humanity as much as I love my servants who watch over thee, and thus you are all apart of me and because you are apart of me, I have given man one Godly power, the power of will. Man, Angels, all creature created in my Image have the power to create as I created the world as I created you, and the power to destroy as I have in antiquated times. I love thee at all times, I watch thee, and commune with thee when needed, as the world grows, so does the servants in my covenant grow so that I can commune, be and comfort thee at all times. My inspiration is with thee at all times, but because I have given thee will, my inspiration is subjected to interpretation of man. Thus what man believes of his creator is mans idea with inspiration, that doth not mean it is right or wrong. I will always love thee no one is destined to be damned, one can only damn themselves.” As instantly as the light appeared it now faded into a white background, The light now was far, as the intensity of the light diminished it revealed that the light was always at a great distance on top a high altar, it seemed to overlook an army of Angels, even though the light was at a great distance the light surround the altar was nearly impossible to look at, The army of Angel were laid in what seemed to be a hierarchy. There was chatter amongst some of them, some were praising God in song while other went about their duties, keep everything in order. In the distance I saw the Archangel Michael he was barely beaten and was now being restored to his former self by the others. Just as I easily pointed out Michael, Gabriel was next to him among them there was five others. I had troubled God enough, but what was I suppose to do I was in heaven, I sat at the very bottom overlooking onto the sky these great wonders, a chair was fitted for me by some of the Angels. The hierarchy seemed to be diminishing as if they had finished discussing important matter. Gabriel came down on a beam of light to where I was now sitting. The Angels now fitted a chair next to mine, Gabriel now took a seat, and began to speak. “what a journey this has been for me and for you it seems, do you know why you are here?” No I have no clue I replied, why is Lucifer after my soul? “As our creator mentioned as the number of people grow so does the connection with God we are all connected with God in some way but at times there is a need for servants to do his bidding, and thus we choose individuals that are worthy of that duty, and you Michael have been chosen by God. Do you remember praying to God to give you a bigger purpose he heard your prayer and was waiting for the right moment.” I don’t understand if he choose me for the task why the dark mist, why the ghastly images. “Its all apart of the process for you to experience the pain that comes from being a half human, half angel especially for the job that you are to be appointed to, which is one of the many harvesters of souls.” You mean I was chosen to be Death? “Yes that is why the dark mist came to visit you to give you the gift of the power to harvest those who have passed, you are chosen to journey to hell, heaven, and back to earth to collect and place soul in their final judgment, but there are many rules which still need to be explained, to touch on some we live among you both Angel and Demon we only have the power to influence you to do the right or wrong thing in the case of the other side. Just like we choose you to be an Angel of Soul so does Lucifer have a chance to pursue his own purpose, for our creator gave us the will to choose, but Lucifer broke the rules, by not stating who he was as stated by the law of the cosmos.” But why would he break the rules, why I’m I so important? “Because there are many injustice on earth one of the cruelest being those crimes that deal with the hate of a human soul because of indifferences, thus your main purpose as death is to bring justice to those souls that are stuck on earth reliving their horrific moments everyday, you must seek out these human tainted by the crime and find a proper death, and place partial judgment, thus Lucifer saw a chance to gain more soul if he could convince thee to sign over your soul to work for him he could have made you bring all the soul collected to hell. Now I must ask you if you accept this duty, you can decline it’s your will, thus your choice.” I sat quietly contemplating the ramification of this choice, I could be sort of a super hero to hundreds of minorities including my community I could seek out injustices and bring justice to the horrific crimes of hate, but the only thing is that although that is my specific duty I would also have to harvest regular soul, I would have to witness people die over and over, families lose their children, loved ones lose the person that makes life worth living, could I bring myself to do that. I had only one question before I made my choice. “what about David will I have to leave him, could we ever be together?”, I asked. “You will live amongst human as half human, half angel, our law forbids you from ever revealing your identity to any human unless specified to. Thus your current body will live on until your time of death, but when your body dies your soul will live on, you will become immortal, you will age until that day, then you will be reborn to an age set by our laws, and live a new life.” I withdrew back to deep though so I can stay with David til my death and then I could never see him again, that wasn’t so bad I believed in my hear that I would live a long life and with that though I made up my mind that I would serve God. “Okay I accept the duty Gabriel, what happens next”, I asked. As I sat there Gabriel grab my hand, now were gently floating back to earth, past the city light into my room riding on light. Back to my bed, where he laid me, Gabriel closed his eyes and out of the darkness the dark mist came. Its dark particle shape hovered over me, slowly sinking into every hole in my skin, death was not so freighting no more, I now understood the images it was the gay man who was bashed a 3 years ago the one I wrote the article about, all the mysterious of death had been known to me. Gabriel began to speak, “Arise” as I rose my inner soul had changed my hair, and eye color changed to a black void, dark, yet my outer body still bared the marking of my current human life. “You bear the Angelic name Michael which means man of God. You are now Michael Angel of Death, now I must go and do my own duties but if you ever need me just call, and I shall came. I only have one warning that is at times the laws of the cosmos are broken we are challenge to fight our foes, the demons of Lucifer. Just remember your are made from God, and thus have the power to vanquish our enemy, and by the way your first duty is on the bed you will receive them in forms of letters only visible to you open them when no ones around, and complete your task.” Gabriel then vanished and as he previously said an envelope was awaiting there for me on earth only a few seconds had passed but for me it had felt like hours through my ordeal. It was still late night, and since I had no need for true sleep, I decided to take on my first task. I grabbed the envelope opened it a bright light beamed out, and began to magically show me my target. The image was blurry at first, as it materialized I fell to my knees in great pain for the humans side of me combined with the immortal side made the feeling multiply, tears began to run down my cheeks, my first target was David. He had never done anything evil in his life, he loved God eternally, but it was his time, and it was my Job to take the life of the man I loved.

Yes may life rush upon a blade and cut deply as to cut the soul

Taking Responsibility of some sort

I take responsibility for this, and this partial action is to show that I truly care and that what I have done in the past is not acceptable but that change has come to me and wish it to stay. God has helped me developed a better sense of life, he has helped me understand the difference between right and wrong, and to learn from my action. They say it takes alot to admit your wrong or that you have wronged someone but it shouldn't, that phrase shouldn't exist people should try to speak truth without God intervening unfortunately I do not fall in this category.

To Fernie

First of all to my friend Fernie I admit that in the past I was angry at you for many things, thing that become childish and stupid to lose a friendship over at times I have spoken badly about you behind your back and I apologize, a main but inexcusable reason is peer pressure you feel pressure from those around you to say or to feel certain way about people. instead of realizing that I should be proud to have friends that love me no matter how odd or different they may be. I thank god for opening my eyes and for allowing me renew our friendship and understanding its value.


To Mark

I never ever in my life denied that I didn't love as a matter of fact, I've said in my life over and over no matter when people that do not approve of you for whatever reason that "I can't deny that I don't love him and still love him to this day" (note this being before we got back when i would be asked about you) but at one point I was angry and I did say something that I never should have but I honestly never meant them I was just hurt, because I could never let you go, and I admired how you are so comfortable in your skin no matter what the world tells you and that is one of the main reason I love you so much.

To A and V

Recently I've been very angry at you and I have asked God to help me, productively release this anger. I just don't understand how it got to this point. I enjoy being around you at times but lately it has not been that way. For reason I won't disclose here that you know. I pray everyday, and I do mean everyday for your safety and that God blesses you. This is true, whether you believe it or not.



To Isaac


Please forgive me for holding you back and in the process holding myself back. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how destructive our relationship was and how much it might have hurt you. Please know that I thank you for all the things you have done for me and I appreciate them. I thank God everyday for you safety and well being.

Feeling Under

Today I have to admit I'm feeling a bit depressed all these emotion and dilemmas have impacted me this week, and it has finally hit me after trying so hard for them not to derail me they haven't but they have left a dent until it can be fixed. In these past two week I have learned a lot and although this blog is titled feeling under it should really be titled remember. Because the only reason I'm writing in it is because I don't want to ever forget the lessons learned these two weeks.

1. Trust in God, because he will never give a load you can't handle.

2. Never call yourself name or undermined your own worth, everyone worth something and everyone is important. It is what you do with what your abilities in life are that makes the difference.

3. Always be honest with yourself first and then you can be honest with everyone else.

4. Work hard because working hard even if it leads to no where you have tried and trying is better than not having tried at all.

5. Be yourself, do what you want to do and never allow other to influencing you into something you are not, and do not let yourself be pushed around stand up for your beliefs. Yet be mindful of others.

6. Be aware of destructive behavior, avoid situation where behavior might become active and or triggers, and know that it will chip away at your soul if you continue.

7. Appreciate what you have been given no matter how small it might seem.

8. Calm down, take a deep breath, things take time.

9. Sometimes what we want is not what we need, if we feel we are lacking friends, love, or a caring hand maybe it is not the right time. Examine life and make sure that you are able to handle your emotion while balancing others, while being stable. Yet cherish the friend we do have and nourish that relationship.

10. No matter how hard life gets keep moving along eventually the barrier will set you free.

These lessons are not in particular order of importance because they are all equally important and should be taken seriously. One just need to remind themselves.

Dilemma

Well since my friend is unable to speak at the moment and ease my nerve as such an early time, and that is not to suggest that I'm asking him to awaken at such an early time to speak to me. He is already awake but seem un-interested in my dilemma for whatever the reason may be. So instead of allowing this stress to overcome me and become something bigger than it is. I have decided to blog about hoping that it will calm my stress level by releasing the stress in a productive manner.

Seperation from my partner of seven years have been difficult for me as I placed myself in a dire situation and there is no one to blame for my burden but myself and take full responsibility for allowing myself to become so destructive to the point where almost every option that is available to me is closed except for a certain few which I'm hoping that I will receive an answer to. Which brings me to the greater of two dilemmas the first I have accepted it to be as such and am working toward the better of myself and know that this process will be slow, but when completed my outlook on life shall be renewed to a more positive one. My second dilemma is this I desire only a work load of 16-20 hour per week which is a relatively light load, which is why I desire it. So that I can ease myself back into a productive individual at a realistic pace. The only issue with that is that total separation is due by the time our lease ends which is 6 months. In which you would think is viable time to find roommate but their are few who I trust, and that should be trusted not to mention that you never know what kind of person your getting into a contract with. As my lifestyle is that of a very clean individual not to mentioned that I'm gay male and do not wish to room with another gay male for many reason that I will not disclose except for one that I'm very spiritual and not many in my community understand that concept which is rather understandable given the circumstance in which most religions condemn homosexuality. Secondly I was offered to room with someone I do trust but the problem with that is that they lack the cleanliness aspect of my life as I'm very clean or like my environment to be very clean. Finally as I mentioned above I'm gay and not everyone accept that and need to find someone who is more than comfortable with that fact.

It is possible for me to afford an efficiency assuming I get the job that I'm interested in which I do not want to presume to much as I feel that is being ungrateful and may the lord know that I'm not but I'm hopeful that God allows me to take this path and give me the strength I require to succeed. The only real issue with an efficiency is that I do not meet requirements as far as job length to obtain one. In which I have asked my previous partner to sign the lease for me until I'm well adjusted to which he has not responded. To which I know he most likely respond yes only because he feel a need to get rid of me as soon as possible. As it is traditionally easier for the one who leaves to separate all feeling than the one being separated from which would me.

I FEEL LIKE

DRAW?NG!

Thing are going well

Tonight I went out and the stress that I have been feeling for the past few weeks is starting to be lifted and things are falling into place and are making sense, I should have followed one path a long time ago and I ignored the call toward the path and forged my own forcefully and now I understand it is not the path that was not meant for me. Now old friends acquaintances and old train of thought are returning a person that I liked a person that i was proud to be is returning how strange this come full circle in better light than the first time. I'm thankful to the lord that he has granted me another chance!

Repair underway

Self-Esteem like ponds ripples are humans and the emotion they bare.
Do we bleed as others do?

Sunlight does not reflect light the same off every pond.
Defining moment are like the skipping stone on water surface,
they ripple through out our life, but never truly fade and sink.

Self awareness, repair underway and let not stones sit at the bottom of your lake.

Repair underway
let new friends stay,

Repair underway
He has helped me, but so has he.

let new friend stay,
Repair underway

The odd thing is that I'm so relaxed
and even though the unseen
is the mystery that is sought
what truth hold are the marking of the souls

Repair is underway

Friend please stay...

The Choice

I stepped onto the platform at Section X I had made the choice there was no turning back, I was now one of them. It started years ago when they arrived to our planet, most of us knew nothing of life out there beside ourselves. Even when we had reached great technology the search for life had been ultimately deemed unreal. Those who believed in nothing but the religious rejoiced. We had built interstellar ship visited far reaches of the universe and had never encountered life other than what we colonized. It was on a July evening the year was 2125, that is when the night sky went blue. Their ship arrived on earth as we now understand it entered through hyperspace port, into our lives. I was 7 years old, the blue light that radiated upon entering from hyperspace was so bright as to mimic the sun, I quickly was awaken from my sleep. As I held my hand up as to shield my eyes to get a glimpse of what was in the sky the blue radiant color slowly began to fade and it revealed a ship unlike we had seen. It diameter was 300 feet wide. it width was 100 feet tall. It wasn't saucer shape it was more like an old stealth bomber black and slender at edges growing thicker at the center it had long spike like extension with hundredths of lights. My parent had awaken from the neighborhood commotion, some where screaming in fear other made no outward expression but fear was in there eyes, while other were in awe. After the 10th phone call from the neighbors my mother decided it be best to go inside as she was getting worried, but I hesitated i wanted to see what would happen next, after a hard time trying to convince me to get back inside she bribed me by allowing me to watch the news as event unfolded. As fast as it arrived the broadcasting began all over the world. Just as soon as it was broadcast was given, UGO stepped in, censored what was shown and gave it first statement "The United Galactic Organization has everything in control please do not panic, please remain in your home and remain calm, we are in the process of discovering why the visitor have come to our planet. Not only is this a historic moment but we now know we are not alone." and as immediately as that statement was release so did all hell broke lose in the religious community. "This is satan we are dealing with, we must be careful, we must pray that these monster leave" It seemed no matter how advanced we were no matter how congruent we had form our planet how we strived to be unified. The one thing that always set us apart from everyone else was our religious belief. We had unified the people of our planet but failed to unify our beliefs. With all religion and with all individual comes either tolerance or indifference. Those brained washed to believe that the Aliens were Satan believed so. Those who believed in God but were totally exactly sure that life did not exist beside what they have known were skeptic. Those who were spiritual and accept those who were they were extended their welcome. Finally the academic only envisioned numbers and statistics and rubbed their noses as to say "we were right". The math had turned out to be true we couldn't have been the only life.

It took UGO 3 days before releasing their next statement, and that was that they had received a package with a numeric primer as to how to communicate with our visitors, and that they were in progress of constructing said device. Days passed slowly and everyday after school I would sit in my yard and peer into the sky to catch a glimpse of the wondrous vessel. Days turned into years I was now 10, and my love for the perplexing ship was at it highest I was in love with it I wanted to know more I wanted to greet them I wanted to know all that made them, who they are. That summer UGO finally finished construction on the tiny device that had failed so many times due to miscalculations. They had finally succeeded and during all this time the Aliens had not moved had not uttered a word had not made themselves visible. The first contact was scheduled for tomorrow. In which I begged my mother to skip class, and to my surprised she allowed me to just for this event. She understood how important this relic in the sky had become to be for me. That night I could not sleep, but managed, as soon as sun hit I awoke and I planted myself on the couch and turned on the TV and watched CNN all day as it counted to the event. Hours passed and I did not budge, no matter how many times they repeated what was already known I sat there like statues sit perched upon high cathedrals. Unmovable. After 8 hours of waiting at 2:00 PM Eastern Time the world watched as UGO sent their class 5 galactic warship "Red Death" it slowly rose against the Alien ship the Red Death was a small ship compared to Alien vessel at 75 feet in length and 30 feet high there was no comparison. This particular Red Death war cruiser was fitted with 300 speakers and receivers which funneled the singled into the Alien translator and vice versa allowing us to finally communicate. This particular Red Daeth was maned by ASIMO X the smartest AI sanctioned for use for the UGO military only. The UGO prime-mister representing the 33 colonies of earth delivered his message via Laser in which it relayed through the translator. Red Death finally reach the right altitude. At the split second silence seem to fall upon earth. "I'm Prime-Minister Orion of the United Galactic Organization from our 33 colonies of earth we great you in peace" as the prime-minister spoke through the reciever it quickly translated and through the fastened speakers High pitches noises resonated it reminded me of our history of the world wide web in communication class, the noise sound that of a "modem" i believe they were named. Just as soon the high pitch language was received the Alien ship began to slightly glow and cameras began to zoom at one point, where the leader of the alien race appeared to be hovering on crystalline platform that seemed to appear from no where the large hexagonal platform were emerald green and as the pressure stabilized and the air cleared we got to see the first glimpse of the alien race, and our of the fog created walked out three figures, One taller than the other two but all three enormously taller than any human. They were thin, with bird like feathers the leader was wearing a tall head dress and carrying a cane. As he stepped onto the platform they became various shades of green and as he stepped forward they would rearrange themselves as to accommodate their master. When he got close enough to the Red Death as to reach the fastened transmitter its large tribal patterned beak began to move and high pitched noises resonated into the transmitter. "I'm Zion 5 the leader of our race, we come to ask your planet for assistance" . The small delayed continued "...and how may we come to a peaceful solution as to what you seek" the UGO prime-minister replied. "We seek that what is unique to your race, that which drives human emotion, creativity, and inspiration. We seek to harvest what you call the human soul". There was silence and shock around the globe it was internally felt. The human soul not even humans had been able to determine the existence of our soul. Here was a race that we had no knowledge of and they knew more about humanity than any scholar, priest, teacher, or any of the wisest man the earth could provide. "I must return an answer at a later time" UGO prime-minister uttered the fear in his voice was apparent. I knew in my mind we would either cooperate or we would go to war.


The UGO prime-minister knew he had no chance against the technology he was faced with, after days of deliberation amongst the colonies of the earth we voted. The vote would determine whether we would go to war or pass GR-333 Galactic Resolution 333, which read "at age 25 those participants as laid out by Alien Race named Zionites who wish to join their soul and destroy their humanity and be joined forever into the fading life force of zionites can do so willingly" almost 4 years after they had arrived 31 of the 33 colonies voted to no fight but to allow those willing participants to give their soul, and there was many. People began creating small communities for that purpose only. To provide souls for an Alien Race. An alien race that who held the power of the understanding of the life energy which is our soul. Zion 5 was in debt to our race, and thus began a long relation between the Zion race and the human race. In exchange they taught us all their could about their technology, we learned more about the human soul than any era that the human race was on earth. That our soul gathers experience and emotion from birth till death and those experience are embedded into the life stream, the life stream which we call God, something even the Zionites did not fully understand. They did understand that the life energy was enhanced by peace, music, and inspiration. Yet the transfer from our body to theirs was painful, and they warned any one who choose to take on this transformation that it would change their life and although their memories would be embedded and thus carrying their conscious mind into the selected Zionite they would never have control of their soul it would become a part of the life stream of the Zions.

In 2133 I was had made the choice to give my soul, that summer of first contact after learning the specific would secretly train my soul to gather more life energy I would enjoy my favorite music listen to inspiration speech and tried to be as peaceful as I could. By the age of 15 I was ready I left a note on my bed and contact the Zionites through my life force and it worked. I was greeted by two shaman Zionites like smoke they appeared in my room, and just like smoke we vanished and I was inside. The tall spikes that I stared at through half of my life were colonies all incorporated into the ship. I looked ahead of me and on the far wall was a large red X, I did not need translator to speak with them, as my life force knew how. They explained to me that Sector X was reserved for us that it is where the transformation would happen. We quickly approached the tall platform where Zion 5 the leader stood. He bowed in gratitude, I stepped up onto the platform where I stood within a circle around the circle intricate patterns, and marking were etched into the floor. Zion 5 began to speak "the life force of your soul is grand and thus I have chosen you for my own body, I'm slowly decaying but your soul will ensure the survival of my race, I can't thank you enough." He directed his speech at me. He removed his ceremonial dress and what was uncovered was his skeletal body almost translucent. He then began the ceremonial dance. As white life force followed him as he flap his wing around me, jumping in mid air, spinning, and gliding. The white energy encircled me, I began to see images of death, I began to destroy my own soul as to prepare it for a smoother transfer, all the inspiration, happiness, and peace was drain from my soul all I felt was loneliness. My mind was in darkness then I was greeted by a bright light, and as quickly as I laid my eyes on it I was drawn in. I had transferred my soul my being into Zion 5. I had given my soul up for another race. I was no longer me, I was now Zion 5. My only hope was that God would understand my choice, and if wrong that he forgive me. For given my life so easily.

Destructive Dreams

we all boarded our rental Van it was fastened with small but power jet engines that would allow most cars of today to fly 17 to 60 feet off the ground, where it would attach it self to a partial magnetized system of roads, for each designated road altitude level there were designated speed at the highest one could reach speed up to 300mph, we decided to drive on the surface for awhile. Before choosing our desired path which we decided to fly 37 feet of the ground or about 175mph. A nice speed it was fast but it also allowed you to enjoy the scenery without distorting images of fast moving objects, trees, animals and other cars. When flying the law required to be set the vehicle on auto pilot the FAVA would take control of your vehicle via laser data connection, which were fashioned as floating miniature cones in mid air, which also served as lanes.

The kids were all in excitement in 3 hours we would be in Disney World. That included regular stops. I preferred to sit next to the window where i could imagine what man had imagine for ages to be able to fly to be able to be free from gravity, to be free from the ground and all that we knew. To take flight when our hearts desired. I longed to be part of something more. What that something was I wasn't sure, I knew this much that, each time I flew it set me free even if it was just for a moment or a couple of hours. Time seem to fly by as fast as we first boarded, my mind was in this day dream state, I had barely noticed that we had stopped. It was then when things quickly changed. My cell phone began to display warning 5 images, which meant that the united states was under attack! It was uncertain of who was attacking us, but I had no doubt in my mind it was Iran. After all they had honorable mention in the news recently. I quickly turned off, the alarm as not to scare the kids. I had to make a quick choice hope that the message relay from ASIMO IV was fake, or a misunderstanding as it was uncommon for these machines to take message and relay them in a wrong manner, my second choice is to ignore the message and not alarm everyone and continue on our trip and hope for the best, after all if the worse were to happen there would be no safety the technology that Iran had acquired after successfully completing their nuclear project was as good as any of the top rated military. I had to have faith that everything was going to be alright no need to mess everyone day for nothing, I quickly resumed my normal activity at the rest stop. Which was a 7 Eleven, most of the sales in most convenient stores were computer, artificially intelligent sentient operated. It was excellent service they did have one person though always their a technician just in case the robot malfunctioned. Since their was no need for fossil fuels most 7 Eleven almost became like mini groceries and emporiums for unique merchandise. Not to mention a lot of black market sale went on, in the alleys and back areas of most of them. Mostly Pre-2010 items and electronic thing that were now hard to find things that gave people nostalgia. I occasionally browsed for item myself, they were considered black market because of the high prices and possible fakes. I was glad that the Warning 5 message wasn't flashing on the thin laser projected signs. I released my compact ASIMO IV and instructed it to watch over the kids and to keep on eye on them. As all teenager do they were loud and having their own version of a rest stop, not so much resting and more buying and browsing. We were almost to the world of dreams, so after a few minutes I instructed ASIMO to gather them up, and place back in the van. The stop made me more confident that nothing was wrong after all the 7 elven sign did not warn of any impeding doom, as required by law. So I was pleased. Boarded and we were off.

113 Rising

I couldn't believe that I was stuck in my room, it was the last day of school and even though I was exempt from my finals for this year, I was unable to enjoy them. I was grounded, grounded I had for the third time this month been out late without an explanation, but I was regretting it now. All my friend for the past few days had been texting me and hassling me the last few days that I did attend my senior year about the greatest party of our teen lives, and now I couldn't go. I was in my room day dreaming about lounging next to the pool, loud music in my ear, a cool drink in my hand, and my friends all at the party. Then I would be jolted back to reality how could any one avoid the 113 degree heat I had four fans running in my room alone. Our A/C had broken down due to the heat and the maintenance guy wouldn't be here til Monday. I had to endure extremely hot weather till then. "Michael!" My mother yelled from down stairs, I ran past my door and to the edge of the stairs. "Yeah?" I replied. "Take care of you sister while I go get some groceries" she replied. "Do I have too" I replied, that the last thing I wanted while I was grounded I thought to myself. "I guess another day up in your hot room will do you some good" She threatened. "no, no I was just kidding mom you know I love Rachel my favorite sis" I exclaimed back to her. I walked down the stairs as I was walking down I received an SMS it was a picture of me with a group of friend at a Halloween party last year I was wearing a black wig no matter how good that wig was pieces of my blond hair were peaking through well not blond more like sandy blond. I was wearing green contacts I was suppose to be a vampire but looked horrible my friends all complained and told me I should have gone with my natrual eye color showing, hazelish I guess. Anyways it made me laugh. "What are you laughing at" Breaking my train of thought, it was Rachel she was in the living room. "Mind your own business" I replied, "Mind you own business, blah blah blah" as she mocked me as she laughed. I then walked across the TV and onto the recliner and sat there. "I have to watch you" as I stared, "Oh you like my long beautiful hair" she smirked. My sister was only 14 and she was already acting like she was queen. She took more after my dad very confident in everything she did. The TV began blaring after fading to black from the last commercial, "Are you ready kids, aye aye captain" it was spongebob. Something we both enjoyed at least. As the theme continued I was reminded of how my sister and I used to spend more time doing this exact same thing when we were a bit younger, but that had changed when I turned 16 and even more now being 18. It made me realize that maybe I had not been spending enough time with my family. Although I was grounded I was happy now at least I could take this time and spend it with my sister, and the rest of family. My train of though was broken by a sudden rush of cool air, Rachel had turned on the 3 huge fans in the living room. "Yuck I feel so sticky!" she exclaimed. I nodded in agreement, as we sat there and laughed at Mr. Krabs and his obsession with money and spongebob with his oddly prompt disposition. Small news flashes had been scrolling all week at the bottom of the TV. They read please try to remain inside meteorologist predict that the heat will get worse before subsiding. Try to remain cool, do not prolonged period of sun exposure without sunscreen, if possible avoid the sun at all cost. Then it displayed the current temperature 113 then the same message repeated but this time the temperature had gone up 114. Then it cut to commercial; mid way commercial they were interupted. "we are sorry to interupt your scheduled broadcasting but we are reciving calls from all over the united states about strange behavior..." is all I heard when we heard the car wheel screech to a halt, as I looked out the window to see what was going on the door slammed open. It was Mom she was out of breath, like she had been running, she was trying to speak but her eyes were blank and filled with horror. "Mom! whats wrong, calm down and tell me what wrong", My sister was begining to panic and she began to cry almost unanimously with my mom. "Mom calm down you're scaring Rachel!" I yelled. It seemed to help, as she resumed her breath, she began to speak. "Let's go she said, lets go get Dad and go!" she said frantically. Rachel continued crying, as I comforted her. "Mom! tell me whats wrong" I looked at her with a concerned expression. Her eyes again went blank as she almost fainted. She slumped down on the love seat as she began to speak "I was at the supermarket and was checking out I had just seen Mrs. Thomas she had checked out first and waved to me as she step out of the electronic sliding doors, she seemed to wait for me like she does usually to speak to me whenever I see her. Then I heard loud screaming comming from outside as I had just finished chekcing out. I ran outside thinking something had happen. As I walked out there was Mrs. Thomas standing in shock as this wave of fire ants devoured her dog, but she just stood there, there was nothing I could do, she..I tried pulling her away but they just devoured her, all that remained was raw flesh. I couldn't do anything...I couldn't" She cried out, it's okay Mom, I replied, as soon as I replied, she quickly stormed up stairs, as she yelled "We have to go and get dad, the reports on the radio said it getting worse and we need to move", Frantically grabbing a few things she could. She now stood by the door "well let hurry grab, those water jugs" She directed at Rachel and me, we had water jugs in the living room when we filled up with purified water I had forgotten to place them in the proper place, at least they were more accessible now. As Rachel and I stuggled to pick up the first one, we heard a scream. It was Mom, we quickly turned around and witness the most horrific thing we had ever encountered a wave of black widows had began to attack Mom. "No Rachel cried" as she lunged forward to help mom, but held her back it was too late. The black widows had Injected their venom into Mom, her skin was covered in blisters as she liquefied slowly. The Windows were now turning our direction we were trapped between the door and the living room wall as the slowly crawled our way I gathered all my stregth and threw the water jug at our window as to break it. I quickly stepped out and motioned to Rachel "come on" I yelled "come on!". She jumped and I grabbed her hands and pulled her out the window a few Windows were crawling on her shoes, "Take off your shoes" I yelled. She reacted quickly kicking her shoes off. "Are you okay! did any of them bite you?" her face was in shock she seemed unable to speak, "are you okay!" I shook her. "yes" she replied. "Come on we still need to get to dad" The windows now crawling out the window as they all created webs as to rappel themselves down. The widows were all over Mom's car but mine was still by the sidewalk unaffected. Luckily Mom forgot to take my keys and still had them in my pocket. I grabbed Rachel and pulled her toward the car opened the passenger side and placed her inside. I ran to the other side and was now sitting, I was on a Adrenalin rush, but it was now wearing off. Tears ran down my face, Mom was dead.

I had no time to be crying the widows were approaching close as each tear ran down my face. I started the car, as I adjusted my mirror I couldn't believe my eyes darkness was closing in. I turned back to see what the darkness was as it got closer the car began to clink and clank loudly my window quickly began to fill up with locust, I pushed the gas in a panic and we were off. I swerved passed cars filled with every type of insect imaginable some people hadn't even made it to their car, while some were swerving in the distance. The temperature meter in my car now read 115. I turned on the radio as to see if there was any news, anything important we should know. "...This is horrific we are now receiving some footage from citizen across the globe, as event unfolds it seem that, all the insect have gone crazy, and have began to attack people, we advise to lock your doors, or go to your local shelter" I turned the volume down and reached into my pocket, I dialed my fathers cell phone number. There was silence for a moment then it began to ring, which was a relief to know. The lined picked up, "hello, hello dad, can you hear me?" silence again followed by static, then the signal resumed "Michael is that you? Is Rachel okay, is your mother okay" he asked. I took a deep breath "Rachel here with me shes a bit shocked she hasn't moved since we got into the car, dad...Mom's dead" as I began to tear again remember the horrific sight that I had witness. "she was eaten by Black Widows" I replied. "it's okay son just head to the observatory i'll be waiting for you there, I love you" he replied, "I love you to dad" as I hanged up. I could tell from his voice that he was trying to keep his composure. Maybe dad could explain what was happening, he was an astronomer he had a particular interest in the sun. "Is dad okay" Rachel finally began to speak since watching our mother die. "He's okay, were going to see him as soon as we get there" I replied. The temperature meter was now 116 the cars AC was beginning to feel a bit warm but still cooler than outside. I needed to hurry, I took a side road avoiding as many car possible but we quickly realized that some places were blocked by insect and all types of animals going wild. I was running out of ideas until I came upon a small bridge I could make it the only problem was there was huge flock of birds swooping uncontrollably, it had caught other cars it's grip. Maybe if I backed up and throttled the gas I could make it, it was our last chance. I put the car into reverse and went as far back as I could, after all my car was a mustang, i was going to push the engine as far as i could. I reversed it enough to give use space between the looming dark cloud that quickly approached behind us, reeving the engine. "Rachel put your seat belt on" I directed. she looked at me with fear in her eyes, and did as she was told. "Don't worry I'll make it" I assured her. I then floored it into the swooping flock the meter quickly read 60mph then 80mph then 90mph peeking at around 97mph we hit the flock the car jolting to the side as bird blood splattered across the window, the side window integrity was now cracking, as bird began to peck it way through shattering the window. The bird that had broke through was no win the car I swerved right, then I swerved left as it began digging his beck into my hands. Rachel began to scream at the sight of my hand being pecked to a bloody pulp, the surprisingly she rolled her window down despite the flock now chasing closely grabbed the bird firmly from its head and tossed it out the window the draft from the wind dragged it under the cars wheel. "Thank you" I said in relief, my had was no partially bleeding. "your welcome" she replied in relief as she rolled her window up. I then sped up heading toward our destination.

We had finally reached the observatory which about 60 miles away from our home. It was still intact as we arrived it seemed that some of the scientist had decided that now was the time to leave. The black locust cloud was barely visible on the horizon but knew that, that meant we had little time. Dad was waiting outside patiently scanning to see if he could spot us, when he did his eyes lid up. I quickly parked and he ran to him, he embraced us. "are you okay?" she looked at both of us with relief and concern. We nooded as to confirm we were fine, he then grabbed my hand. "what happened?" he asked. "Birds attacked us on the way" I replied. "Come inside we have a first aid kit, i'll patch you up" he replied. We rushed inside passed the front desk, and a few offices until we reached the medical section. It had a few first aids kits and a few antibiotics vile and syringes. He cleaned me up, wrapped me up and gave me a dose of penicillin just in case. He laid Rachel on the bed they had there and gave her a relaxer, she quickly passed out soon after. "what's going on dad, do you know? Why is the sun so hot?" I had a million question. "Well we think we know what going on, me and a couple of colleagues reviewed some data that was apparently missed, we in joint with the university botanist department discovered something interesting. I'll explain, but first we must get moving too before we are devoured. Grab your sister and put her in the van, while I grab my stuff from the observatory room." He explained. "Yes, dad" I replied, I was happy to say that, I was happy to know that my father was there for me. It was a relief. I grabbed my sister, she was relatively heavy but nothing I couldn't manage as I walked closer to the exit one of the last scientist to leave was visible to the glass door, he quickly ran inside. "There's..." he screamed as wolfs from the surrounding woods ravaged him a pack of 5, all attacked him from the side. Encircled him, and snarled and howled, then what seemed to be the leader turned his eyes towards me I was 7 feet away, I stepped closer and closer his eyes dead on meeting with mine, he then snarled and began to dash. I began to run passed the reception desk, past the flapping doors that led to the observatory room. My hands were heavy from carrying Rachel. I screamed "Help, Help Dad!" as I reached the base of the stairs leading to the room where dad was I looked back to see the pack of wolves half way between me and them, then suddenly i felt rachel begin lifted, it was dad we quickly ran up the stairs. The pack of wolves on our trail. As we reach the top my dad placed Rachel high upon a plat form elvator that was used to maintenance the telescope. he pushed the button that signified up. "Now listen to me this is what want you to do see that wall over there in the distance that rail, i need you to stand there and lure them there, can you do that!" he directed. "Yes" I replied in hesitation. "okay when I tell you to jump you will jump to the right okay" he replied. I quickly nodded as I took my position. I wasn't aware of what was going on, I just followed direction. My Dad was now hidden behind the desk I could see his hair peering through the top of the tall computer section. the wolves were now approaching but they were approaching slowly, at first the were heading toward the direction my dad was. I quickly began to make noise as to catch their attention, it worked! the all seemed to lock their stare on their target which was me. The growled and howled, as they walked around the huge telescope toward my left side. Just as dad had planned. The pack was wild it seemed as if they had no control over what they were doing as if only the leader had some internal control over the rest of them. The leader stopped and the pack came to a halt, he then howled no more than 4 feet away from me, he then lunged at me. "Jump" dad yelled, I quickly reacted. As I jumped the pack of wolves no later than a second apart landed where I was standing. suddenly I saw the metal grated floor open it was a maintenance shaft, the pack of wolves now falling into the shaft, then loud cracking noises echoed as they hit the wall and eventually the floor and crushing their bones. I sighed in relief. My dad quickly lowered the platform where Rachel had been sleeping. We had wasted enough time. We ran down the stairs and out the door to a reception of locust to our backs we ran as a few of them jumped and began to eat through our clothing. We ran until we reached he Van, Dad placed Rachel in the back seat I started the engine, Dad got into the passenger side and I drove off. We avoided the main locust cloud by a few minutes, as I looked it my rear view mirror half of the observatory was now covered in locust.

I wasn't sure where I was heading, I turn my gaze toward dad, and he quickly knew what I was thinking. "Head toward the mountain range in the distance" I didn't say anything I just drove that direction. It was getting darker now the locust cloud was fading into the darkness, which worried me. "Dad, what going on?" I finally broke the silence. All this time he had been on his computer going over data, he had saved on his laptop. He still had internet as he connect through satellite. "Well son the sun isn't getting hotter, as you can see the temperature drop two degrees due to night fall, in fact the sun is just fine, it the plants of the earth that are causing all this trouble" he explained. I looked at him a bit puzzled "what do you mean? if its the plants why are the animals and insect all going crazy?" I asked. "Well my colleagues and I discovered some startling news. See when its winter in the northern hemisphere it summer in the southern and usually that balances the green house gases caused by cars, peoples and factories. As you know plant breath in carbon dioxide and breath out oxygen, Well what happened in the last winter the plant in the southern hemisphere stopped breathing in 3/4s the amount of carbon dioxide, and when winter came in the southern hemisphere and it was spring here the same happened. Raising our green house gasses exponentially. It like they went into stasis. As far as the animals and insect go I feel its instinctive, they realized what was going on and they realized that people were the problem so in order to save the earth they began attacking us. As if the earth told all its insect and animals to attack the problem, the problem could be fix as a matter of fact since the attack green house gases have dropped, due to factories closing and less cars on the roads." he explained. "so how do we stop it " I asked. "A world renown botanist is meeting us at the top of mountain range, a Dr. Puentes he has figure out a way to release a pheromones that will stimulate the plants to resume their normal cycle. He will release it against the wind a Jet stream that will carry it across the United States which will cause a chain reaction causes the rest of the plant and trees to resume their cycle, and hopefully the worlds." He explained. I was relieved to know there was a solution. Rachel was now waking up. "How was your nap sweetheart" Dad directed his voice toward her. "Good, where are we?" We are meeting a doctor who might have a solution to this whole mess. Rachel smiled and then it quickly faded as I stared at her through my rear view mirror, I knew she was thinking of mom. How she wished she was still here. I turned onto the dirt road that the GPS system directed me to, it lead to the base of the mountain. It cut through the woods to my surprise there was no animals it was quiet, maybe because they were all in the cities now attacking the humans who had threaten the very existence of this world. They knew that it was us that caused green house gasses to rise in recent year in exponential ways. The earth was just protecting the majority, compared to all the creatures and insects and plant life in the world we were the minority. What better way of solving the problem. Getting rid of the nuisance, humanity. I finally reaching the base of the mountain it had a tram which lead to the top Dr. Puentes was patiently waiting for us. It seemed that Dad had the data required to set the machine he had built at the right moment when the wind gust would be at its highest spreading the pheromones in its proper pattern. We all boarded tram at dad request, Dr Puentes assistant was in the control room. "Okay, were ready to be pulled up to the peak Mr. Luna" He directed his assistant. "Alright Boss you got it" He replied through the walkie talkie. The tram slowly started it ascent the wind was strong against the tram. It was a bit nerve racking, but none the less we reached the top after a short trip. Well stepped out onto hope, The wind was stronger now we had to anchor ourselves to the tram. It had seemed that Dr. Puentes and my Dad had all this planned out. As they had serveral ropes to anchor not only ourselves but the device. Rachel and I stayed back as we watched Dr. Puentes and Dad set up the device they checked and rechecked the number time was running out it was not or never. They anchored down the device set the timer and step back to where we were standing at the opening of the tram. "We are making history!" Dr. Puentes exclaimed, as the counter on the released valve counted off. 30........20........10 We all began to count as if it was new years...8...7...6...5...4..3! As the device opened a mountain lion jumped out of the shadows knocking the device down the force of the wind it strongest took the lion with it along with the device. We had failed, the device never released its packages. We had failed, and there was no one to blame for the event that occurred that summer but humanity. We had over filled the earth with machine, machines that caused the destruction of the lives we had grown accustomed to. In the following days the few remaining radio station had statistic on an estimated death toll, the toll wiped out 33% percent of the world population, the rest fled into the caves and mountains and forest. The plant cycle resumed its natural pattern, and eventually the earth reclaimed the cities and towns we had established. They became the new wild and like insect and animals we were forced to hide in caves and forest of the earth, we were forced to hunt, and live like animals did. Occasionally a few creatures and insect would return to their forest, were they ensured that we would stay, they ensured that we had learned our lesson, ensured that the world stability would remain forever. The day the earth temperature rose to 113 is the day humanity ruled the world no longer.