Feeling Under

Today I have to admit I'm feeling a bit depressed all these emotion and dilemmas have impacted me this week, and it has finally hit me after trying so hard for them not to derail me they haven't but they have left a dent until it can be fixed. In these past two week I have learned a lot and although this blog is titled feeling under it should really be titled remember. Because the only reason I'm writing in it is because I don't want to ever forget the lessons learned these two weeks.

1. Trust in God, because he will never give a load you can't handle.

2. Never call yourself name or undermined your own worth, everyone worth something and everyone is important. It is what you do with what your abilities in life are that makes the difference.

3. Always be honest with yourself first and then you can be honest with everyone else.

4. Work hard because working hard even if it leads to no where you have tried and trying is better than not having tried at all.

5. Be yourself, do what you want to do and never allow other to influencing you into something you are not, and do not let yourself be pushed around stand up for your beliefs. Yet be mindful of others.

6. Be aware of destructive behavior, avoid situation where behavior might become active and or triggers, and know that it will chip away at your soul if you continue.

7. Appreciate what you have been given no matter how small it might seem.

8. Calm down, take a deep breath, things take time.

9. Sometimes what we want is not what we need, if we feel we are lacking friends, love, or a caring hand maybe it is not the right time. Examine life and make sure that you are able to handle your emotion while balancing others, while being stable. Yet cherish the friend we do have and nourish that relationship.

10. No matter how hard life gets keep moving along eventually the barrier will set you free.

These lessons are not in particular order of importance because they are all equally important and should be taken seriously. One just need to remind themselves.

Dilemma

Well since my friend is unable to speak at the moment and ease my nerve as such an early time, and that is not to suggest that I'm asking him to awaken at such an early time to speak to me. He is already awake but seem un-interested in my dilemma for whatever the reason may be. So instead of allowing this stress to overcome me and become something bigger than it is. I have decided to blog about hoping that it will calm my stress level by releasing the stress in a productive manner.

Seperation from my partner of seven years have been difficult for me as I placed myself in a dire situation and there is no one to blame for my burden but myself and take full responsibility for allowing myself to become so destructive to the point where almost every option that is available to me is closed except for a certain few which I'm hoping that I will receive an answer to. Which brings me to the greater of two dilemmas the first I have accepted it to be as such and am working toward the better of myself and know that this process will be slow, but when completed my outlook on life shall be renewed to a more positive one. My second dilemma is this I desire only a work load of 16-20 hour per week which is a relatively light load, which is why I desire it. So that I can ease myself back into a productive individual at a realistic pace. The only issue with that is that total separation is due by the time our lease ends which is 6 months. In which you would think is viable time to find roommate but their are few who I trust, and that should be trusted not to mention that you never know what kind of person your getting into a contract with. As my lifestyle is that of a very clean individual not to mentioned that I'm gay male and do not wish to room with another gay male for many reason that I will not disclose except for one that I'm very spiritual and not many in my community understand that concept which is rather understandable given the circumstance in which most religions condemn homosexuality. Secondly I was offered to room with someone I do trust but the problem with that is that they lack the cleanliness aspect of my life as I'm very clean or like my environment to be very clean. Finally as I mentioned above I'm gay and not everyone accept that and need to find someone who is more than comfortable with that fact.

It is possible for me to afford an efficiency assuming I get the job that I'm interested in which I do not want to presume to much as I feel that is being ungrateful and may the lord know that I'm not but I'm hopeful that God allows me to take this path and give me the strength I require to succeed. The only real issue with an efficiency is that I do not meet requirements as far as job length to obtain one. In which I have asked my previous partner to sign the lease for me until I'm well adjusted to which he has not responded. To which I know he most likely respond yes only because he feel a need to get rid of me as soon as possible. As it is traditionally easier for the one who leaves to separate all feeling than the one being separated from which would me.

I FEEL LIKE

DRAW?NG!

Thing are going well

Tonight I went out and the stress that I have been feeling for the past few weeks is starting to be lifted and things are falling into place and are making sense, I should have followed one path a long time ago and I ignored the call toward the path and forged my own forcefully and now I understand it is not the path that was not meant for me. Now old friends acquaintances and old train of thought are returning a person that I liked a person that i was proud to be is returning how strange this come full circle in better light than the first time. I'm thankful to the lord that he has granted me another chance!

Repair underway

Self-Esteem like ponds ripples are humans and the emotion they bare.
Do we bleed as others do?

Sunlight does not reflect light the same off every pond.
Defining moment are like the skipping stone on water surface,
they ripple through out our life, but never truly fade and sink.

Self awareness, repair underway and let not stones sit at the bottom of your lake.

Repair underway
let new friends stay,

Repair underway
He has helped me, but so has he.

let new friend stay,
Repair underway

The odd thing is that I'm so relaxed
and even though the unseen
is the mystery that is sought
what truth hold are the marking of the souls

Repair is underway

Friend please stay...

The Choice

I stepped onto the platform at Section X I had made the choice there was no turning back, I was now one of them. It started years ago when they arrived to our planet, most of us knew nothing of life out there beside ourselves. Even when we had reached great technology the search for life had been ultimately deemed unreal. Those who believed in nothing but the religious rejoiced. We had built interstellar ship visited far reaches of the universe and had never encountered life other than what we colonized. It was on a July evening the year was 2125, that is when the night sky went blue. Their ship arrived on earth as we now understand it entered through hyperspace port, into our lives. I was 7 years old, the blue light that radiated upon entering from hyperspace was so bright as to mimic the sun, I quickly was awaken from my sleep. As I held my hand up as to shield my eyes to get a glimpse of what was in the sky the blue radiant color slowly began to fade and it revealed a ship unlike we had seen. It diameter was 300 feet wide. it width was 100 feet tall. It wasn't saucer shape it was more like an old stealth bomber black and slender at edges growing thicker at the center it had long spike like extension with hundredths of lights. My parent had awaken from the neighborhood commotion, some where screaming in fear other made no outward expression but fear was in there eyes, while other were in awe. After the 10th phone call from the neighbors my mother decided it be best to go inside as she was getting worried, but I hesitated i wanted to see what would happen next, after a hard time trying to convince me to get back inside she bribed me by allowing me to watch the news as event unfolded. As fast as it arrived the broadcasting began all over the world. Just as soon as it was broadcast was given, UGO stepped in, censored what was shown and gave it first statement "The United Galactic Organization has everything in control please do not panic, please remain in your home and remain calm, we are in the process of discovering why the visitor have come to our planet. Not only is this a historic moment but we now know we are not alone." and as immediately as that statement was release so did all hell broke lose in the religious community. "This is satan we are dealing with, we must be careful, we must pray that these monster leave" It seemed no matter how advanced we were no matter how congruent we had form our planet how we strived to be unified. The one thing that always set us apart from everyone else was our religious belief. We had unified the people of our planet but failed to unify our beliefs. With all religion and with all individual comes either tolerance or indifference. Those brained washed to believe that the Aliens were Satan believed so. Those who believed in God but were totally exactly sure that life did not exist beside what they have known were skeptic. Those who were spiritual and accept those who were they were extended their welcome. Finally the academic only envisioned numbers and statistics and rubbed their noses as to say "we were right". The math had turned out to be true we couldn't have been the only life.

It took UGO 3 days before releasing their next statement, and that was that they had received a package with a numeric primer as to how to communicate with our visitors, and that they were in progress of constructing said device. Days passed slowly and everyday after school I would sit in my yard and peer into the sky to catch a glimpse of the wondrous vessel. Days turned into years I was now 10, and my love for the perplexing ship was at it highest I was in love with it I wanted to know more I wanted to greet them I wanted to know all that made them, who they are. That summer UGO finally finished construction on the tiny device that had failed so many times due to miscalculations. They had finally succeeded and during all this time the Aliens had not moved had not uttered a word had not made themselves visible. The first contact was scheduled for tomorrow. In which I begged my mother to skip class, and to my surprised she allowed me to just for this event. She understood how important this relic in the sky had become to be for me. That night I could not sleep, but managed, as soon as sun hit I awoke and I planted myself on the couch and turned on the TV and watched CNN all day as it counted to the event. Hours passed and I did not budge, no matter how many times they repeated what was already known I sat there like statues sit perched upon high cathedrals. Unmovable. After 8 hours of waiting at 2:00 PM Eastern Time the world watched as UGO sent their class 5 galactic warship "Red Death" it slowly rose against the Alien ship the Red Death was a small ship compared to Alien vessel at 75 feet in length and 30 feet high there was no comparison. This particular Red Death war cruiser was fitted with 300 speakers and receivers which funneled the singled into the Alien translator and vice versa allowing us to finally communicate. This particular Red Daeth was maned by ASIMO X the smartest AI sanctioned for use for the UGO military only. The UGO prime-mister representing the 33 colonies of earth delivered his message via Laser in which it relayed through the translator. Red Death finally reach the right altitude. At the split second silence seem to fall upon earth. "I'm Prime-Minister Orion of the United Galactic Organization from our 33 colonies of earth we great you in peace" as the prime-minister spoke through the reciever it quickly translated and through the fastened speakers High pitches noises resonated it reminded me of our history of the world wide web in communication class, the noise sound that of a "modem" i believe they were named. Just as soon the high pitch language was received the Alien ship began to slightly glow and cameras began to zoom at one point, where the leader of the alien race appeared to be hovering on crystalline platform that seemed to appear from no where the large hexagonal platform were emerald green and as the pressure stabilized and the air cleared we got to see the first glimpse of the alien race, and our of the fog created walked out three figures, One taller than the other two but all three enormously taller than any human. They were thin, with bird like feathers the leader was wearing a tall head dress and carrying a cane. As he stepped onto the platform they became various shades of green and as he stepped forward they would rearrange themselves as to accommodate their master. When he got close enough to the Red Death as to reach the fastened transmitter its large tribal patterned beak began to move and high pitched noises resonated into the transmitter. "I'm Zion 5 the leader of our race, we come to ask your planet for assistance" . The small delayed continued "...and how may we come to a peaceful solution as to what you seek" the UGO prime-minister replied. "We seek that what is unique to your race, that which drives human emotion, creativity, and inspiration. We seek to harvest what you call the human soul". There was silence and shock around the globe it was internally felt. The human soul not even humans had been able to determine the existence of our soul. Here was a race that we had no knowledge of and they knew more about humanity than any scholar, priest, teacher, or any of the wisest man the earth could provide. "I must return an answer at a later time" UGO prime-minister uttered the fear in his voice was apparent. I knew in my mind we would either cooperate or we would go to war.


The UGO prime-minister knew he had no chance against the technology he was faced with, after days of deliberation amongst the colonies of the earth we voted. The vote would determine whether we would go to war or pass GR-333 Galactic Resolution 333, which read "at age 25 those participants as laid out by Alien Race named Zionites who wish to join their soul and destroy their humanity and be joined forever into the fading life force of zionites can do so willingly" almost 4 years after they had arrived 31 of the 33 colonies voted to no fight but to allow those willing participants to give their soul, and there was many. People began creating small communities for that purpose only. To provide souls for an Alien Race. An alien race that who held the power of the understanding of the life energy which is our soul. Zion 5 was in debt to our race, and thus began a long relation between the Zion race and the human race. In exchange they taught us all their could about their technology, we learned more about the human soul than any era that the human race was on earth. That our soul gathers experience and emotion from birth till death and those experience are embedded into the life stream, the life stream which we call God, something even the Zionites did not fully understand. They did understand that the life energy was enhanced by peace, music, and inspiration. Yet the transfer from our body to theirs was painful, and they warned any one who choose to take on this transformation that it would change their life and although their memories would be embedded and thus carrying their conscious mind into the selected Zionite they would never have control of their soul it would become a part of the life stream of the Zions.

In 2133 I was had made the choice to give my soul, that summer of first contact after learning the specific would secretly train my soul to gather more life energy I would enjoy my favorite music listen to inspiration speech and tried to be as peaceful as I could. By the age of 15 I was ready I left a note on my bed and contact the Zionites through my life force and it worked. I was greeted by two shaman Zionites like smoke they appeared in my room, and just like smoke we vanished and I was inside. The tall spikes that I stared at through half of my life were colonies all incorporated into the ship. I looked ahead of me and on the far wall was a large red X, I did not need translator to speak with them, as my life force knew how. They explained to me that Sector X was reserved for us that it is where the transformation would happen. We quickly approached the tall platform where Zion 5 the leader stood. He bowed in gratitude, I stepped up onto the platform where I stood within a circle around the circle intricate patterns, and marking were etched into the floor. Zion 5 began to speak "the life force of your soul is grand and thus I have chosen you for my own body, I'm slowly decaying but your soul will ensure the survival of my race, I can't thank you enough." He directed his speech at me. He removed his ceremonial dress and what was uncovered was his skeletal body almost translucent. He then began the ceremonial dance. As white life force followed him as he flap his wing around me, jumping in mid air, spinning, and gliding. The white energy encircled me, I began to see images of death, I began to destroy my own soul as to prepare it for a smoother transfer, all the inspiration, happiness, and peace was drain from my soul all I felt was loneliness. My mind was in darkness then I was greeted by a bright light, and as quickly as I laid my eyes on it I was drawn in. I had transferred my soul my being into Zion 5. I had given my soul up for another race. I was no longer me, I was now Zion 5. My only hope was that God would understand my choice, and if wrong that he forgive me. For given my life so easily.

Destructive Dreams

we all boarded our rental Van it was fastened with small but power jet engines that would allow most cars of today to fly 17 to 60 feet off the ground, where it would attach it self to a partial magnetized system of roads, for each designated road altitude level there were designated speed at the highest one could reach speed up to 300mph, we decided to drive on the surface for awhile. Before choosing our desired path which we decided to fly 37 feet of the ground or about 175mph. A nice speed it was fast but it also allowed you to enjoy the scenery without distorting images of fast moving objects, trees, animals and other cars. When flying the law required to be set the vehicle on auto pilot the FAVA would take control of your vehicle via laser data connection, which were fashioned as floating miniature cones in mid air, which also served as lanes.

The kids were all in excitement in 3 hours we would be in Disney World. That included regular stops. I preferred to sit next to the window where i could imagine what man had imagine for ages to be able to fly to be able to be free from gravity, to be free from the ground and all that we knew. To take flight when our hearts desired. I longed to be part of something more. What that something was I wasn't sure, I knew this much that, each time I flew it set me free even if it was just for a moment or a couple of hours. Time seem to fly by as fast as we first boarded, my mind was in this day dream state, I had barely noticed that we had stopped. It was then when things quickly changed. My cell phone began to display warning 5 images, which meant that the united states was under attack! It was uncertain of who was attacking us, but I had no doubt in my mind it was Iran. After all they had honorable mention in the news recently. I quickly turned off, the alarm as not to scare the kids. I had to make a quick choice hope that the message relay from ASIMO IV was fake, or a misunderstanding as it was uncommon for these machines to take message and relay them in a wrong manner, my second choice is to ignore the message and not alarm everyone and continue on our trip and hope for the best, after all if the worse were to happen there would be no safety the technology that Iran had acquired after successfully completing their nuclear project was as good as any of the top rated military. I had to have faith that everything was going to be alright no need to mess everyone day for nothing, I quickly resumed my normal activity at the rest stop. Which was a 7 Eleven, most of the sales in most convenient stores were computer, artificially intelligent sentient operated. It was excellent service they did have one person though always their a technician just in case the robot malfunctioned. Since their was no need for fossil fuels most 7 Eleven almost became like mini groceries and emporiums for unique merchandise. Not to mention a lot of black market sale went on, in the alleys and back areas of most of them. Mostly Pre-2010 items and electronic thing that were now hard to find things that gave people nostalgia. I occasionally browsed for item myself, they were considered black market because of the high prices and possible fakes. I was glad that the Warning 5 message wasn't flashing on the thin laser projected signs. I released my compact ASIMO IV and instructed it to watch over the kids and to keep on eye on them. As all teenager do they were loud and having their own version of a rest stop, not so much resting and more buying and browsing. We were almost to the world of dreams, so after a few minutes I instructed ASIMO to gather them up, and place back in the van. The stop made me more confident that nothing was wrong after all the 7 elven sign did not warn of any impeding doom, as required by law. So I was pleased. Boarded and we were off.

113 Rising

I couldn't believe that I was stuck in my room, it was the last day of school and even though I was exempt from my finals for this year, I was unable to enjoy them. I was grounded, grounded I had for the third time this month been out late without an explanation, but I was regretting it now. All my friend for the past few days had been texting me and hassling me the last few days that I did attend my senior year about the greatest party of our teen lives, and now I couldn't go. I was in my room day dreaming about lounging next to the pool, loud music in my ear, a cool drink in my hand, and my friends all at the party. Then I would be jolted back to reality how could any one avoid the 113 degree heat I had four fans running in my room alone. Our A/C had broken down due to the heat and the maintenance guy wouldn't be here til Monday. I had to endure extremely hot weather till then. "Michael!" My mother yelled from down stairs, I ran past my door and to the edge of the stairs. "Yeah?" I replied. "Take care of you sister while I go get some groceries" she replied. "Do I have too" I replied, that the last thing I wanted while I was grounded I thought to myself. "I guess another day up in your hot room will do you some good" She threatened. "no, no I was just kidding mom you know I love Rachel my favorite sis" I exclaimed back to her. I walked down the stairs as I was walking down I received an SMS it was a picture of me with a group of friend at a Halloween party last year I was wearing a black wig no matter how good that wig was pieces of my blond hair were peaking through well not blond more like sandy blond. I was wearing green contacts I was suppose to be a vampire but looked horrible my friends all complained and told me I should have gone with my natrual eye color showing, hazelish I guess. Anyways it made me laugh. "What are you laughing at" Breaking my train of thought, it was Rachel she was in the living room. "Mind your own business" I replied, "Mind you own business, blah blah blah" as she mocked me as she laughed. I then walked across the TV and onto the recliner and sat there. "I have to watch you" as I stared, "Oh you like my long beautiful hair" she smirked. My sister was only 14 and she was already acting like she was queen. She took more after my dad very confident in everything she did. The TV began blaring after fading to black from the last commercial, "Are you ready kids, aye aye captain" it was spongebob. Something we both enjoyed at least. As the theme continued I was reminded of how my sister and I used to spend more time doing this exact same thing when we were a bit younger, but that had changed when I turned 16 and even more now being 18. It made me realize that maybe I had not been spending enough time with my family. Although I was grounded I was happy now at least I could take this time and spend it with my sister, and the rest of family. My train of though was broken by a sudden rush of cool air, Rachel had turned on the 3 huge fans in the living room. "Yuck I feel so sticky!" she exclaimed. I nodded in agreement, as we sat there and laughed at Mr. Krabs and his obsession with money and spongebob with his oddly prompt disposition. Small news flashes had been scrolling all week at the bottom of the TV. They read please try to remain inside meteorologist predict that the heat will get worse before subsiding. Try to remain cool, do not prolonged period of sun exposure without sunscreen, if possible avoid the sun at all cost. Then it displayed the current temperature 113 then the same message repeated but this time the temperature had gone up 114. Then it cut to commercial; mid way commercial they were interupted. "we are sorry to interupt your scheduled broadcasting but we are reciving calls from all over the united states about strange behavior..." is all I heard when we heard the car wheel screech to a halt, as I looked out the window to see what was going on the door slammed open. It was Mom she was out of breath, like she had been running, she was trying to speak but her eyes were blank and filled with horror. "Mom! whats wrong, calm down and tell me what wrong", My sister was begining to panic and she began to cry almost unanimously with my mom. "Mom calm down you're scaring Rachel!" I yelled. It seemed to help, as she resumed her breath, she began to speak. "Let's go she said, lets go get Dad and go!" she said frantically. Rachel continued crying, as I comforted her. "Mom! tell me whats wrong" I looked at her with a concerned expression. Her eyes again went blank as she almost fainted. She slumped down on the love seat as she began to speak "I was at the supermarket and was checking out I had just seen Mrs. Thomas she had checked out first and waved to me as she step out of the electronic sliding doors, she seemed to wait for me like she does usually to speak to me whenever I see her. Then I heard loud screaming comming from outside as I had just finished chekcing out. I ran outside thinking something had happen. As I walked out there was Mrs. Thomas standing in shock as this wave of fire ants devoured her dog, but she just stood there, there was nothing I could do, she..I tried pulling her away but they just devoured her, all that remained was raw flesh. I couldn't do anything...I couldn't" She cried out, it's okay Mom, I replied, as soon as I replied, she quickly stormed up stairs, as she yelled "We have to go and get dad, the reports on the radio said it getting worse and we need to move", Frantically grabbing a few things she could. She now stood by the door "well let hurry grab, those water jugs" She directed at Rachel and me, we had water jugs in the living room when we filled up with purified water I had forgotten to place them in the proper place, at least they were more accessible now. As Rachel and I stuggled to pick up the first one, we heard a scream. It was Mom, we quickly turned around and witness the most horrific thing we had ever encountered a wave of black widows had began to attack Mom. "No Rachel cried" as she lunged forward to help mom, but held her back it was too late. The black widows had Injected their venom into Mom, her skin was covered in blisters as she liquefied slowly. The Windows were now turning our direction we were trapped between the door and the living room wall as the slowly crawled our way I gathered all my stregth and threw the water jug at our window as to break it. I quickly stepped out and motioned to Rachel "come on" I yelled "come on!". She jumped and I grabbed her hands and pulled her out the window a few Windows were crawling on her shoes, "Take off your shoes" I yelled. She reacted quickly kicking her shoes off. "Are you okay! did any of them bite you?" her face was in shock she seemed unable to speak, "are you okay!" I shook her. "yes" she replied. "Come on we still need to get to dad" The windows now crawling out the window as they all created webs as to rappel themselves down. The widows were all over Mom's car but mine was still by the sidewalk unaffected. Luckily Mom forgot to take my keys and still had them in my pocket. I grabbed Rachel and pulled her toward the car opened the passenger side and placed her inside. I ran to the other side and was now sitting, I was on a Adrenalin rush, but it was now wearing off. Tears ran down my face, Mom was dead.

I had no time to be crying the widows were approaching close as each tear ran down my face. I started the car, as I adjusted my mirror I couldn't believe my eyes darkness was closing in. I turned back to see what the darkness was as it got closer the car began to clink and clank loudly my window quickly began to fill up with locust, I pushed the gas in a panic and we were off. I swerved passed cars filled with every type of insect imaginable some people hadn't even made it to their car, while some were swerving in the distance. The temperature meter in my car now read 115. I turned on the radio as to see if there was any news, anything important we should know. "...This is horrific we are now receiving some footage from citizen across the globe, as event unfolds it seem that, all the insect have gone crazy, and have began to attack people, we advise to lock your doors, or go to your local shelter" I turned the volume down and reached into my pocket, I dialed my fathers cell phone number. There was silence for a moment then it began to ring, which was a relief to know. The lined picked up, "hello, hello dad, can you hear me?" silence again followed by static, then the signal resumed "Michael is that you? Is Rachel okay, is your mother okay" he asked. I took a deep breath "Rachel here with me shes a bit shocked she hasn't moved since we got into the car, dad...Mom's dead" as I began to tear again remember the horrific sight that I had witness. "she was eaten by Black Widows" I replied. "it's okay son just head to the observatory i'll be waiting for you there, I love you" he replied, "I love you to dad" as I hanged up. I could tell from his voice that he was trying to keep his composure. Maybe dad could explain what was happening, he was an astronomer he had a particular interest in the sun. "Is dad okay" Rachel finally began to speak since watching our mother die. "He's okay, were going to see him as soon as we get there" I replied. The temperature meter was now 116 the cars AC was beginning to feel a bit warm but still cooler than outside. I needed to hurry, I took a side road avoiding as many car possible but we quickly realized that some places were blocked by insect and all types of animals going wild. I was running out of ideas until I came upon a small bridge I could make it the only problem was there was huge flock of birds swooping uncontrollably, it had caught other cars it's grip. Maybe if I backed up and throttled the gas I could make it, it was our last chance. I put the car into reverse and went as far back as I could, after all my car was a mustang, i was going to push the engine as far as i could. I reversed it enough to give use space between the looming dark cloud that quickly approached behind us, reeving the engine. "Rachel put your seat belt on" I directed. she looked at me with fear in her eyes, and did as she was told. "Don't worry I'll make it" I assured her. I then floored it into the swooping flock the meter quickly read 60mph then 80mph then 90mph peeking at around 97mph we hit the flock the car jolting to the side as bird blood splattered across the window, the side window integrity was now cracking, as bird began to peck it way through shattering the window. The bird that had broke through was no win the car I swerved right, then I swerved left as it began digging his beck into my hands. Rachel began to scream at the sight of my hand being pecked to a bloody pulp, the surprisingly she rolled her window down despite the flock now chasing closely grabbed the bird firmly from its head and tossed it out the window the draft from the wind dragged it under the cars wheel. "Thank you" I said in relief, my had was no partially bleeding. "your welcome" she replied in relief as she rolled her window up. I then sped up heading toward our destination.

We had finally reached the observatory which about 60 miles away from our home. It was still intact as we arrived it seemed that some of the scientist had decided that now was the time to leave. The black locust cloud was barely visible on the horizon but knew that, that meant we had little time. Dad was waiting outside patiently scanning to see if he could spot us, when he did his eyes lid up. I quickly parked and he ran to him, he embraced us. "are you okay?" she looked at both of us with relief and concern. We nooded as to confirm we were fine, he then grabbed my hand. "what happened?" he asked. "Birds attacked us on the way" I replied. "Come inside we have a first aid kit, i'll patch you up" he replied. We rushed inside passed the front desk, and a few offices until we reached the medical section. It had a few first aids kits and a few antibiotics vile and syringes. He cleaned me up, wrapped me up and gave me a dose of penicillin just in case. He laid Rachel on the bed they had there and gave her a relaxer, she quickly passed out soon after. "what's going on dad, do you know? Why is the sun so hot?" I had a million question. "Well we think we know what going on, me and a couple of colleagues reviewed some data that was apparently missed, we in joint with the university botanist department discovered something interesting. I'll explain, but first we must get moving too before we are devoured. Grab your sister and put her in the van, while I grab my stuff from the observatory room." He explained. "Yes, dad" I replied, I was happy to say that, I was happy to know that my father was there for me. It was a relief. I grabbed my sister, she was relatively heavy but nothing I couldn't manage as I walked closer to the exit one of the last scientist to leave was visible to the glass door, he quickly ran inside. "There's..." he screamed as wolfs from the surrounding woods ravaged him a pack of 5, all attacked him from the side. Encircled him, and snarled and howled, then what seemed to be the leader turned his eyes towards me I was 7 feet away, I stepped closer and closer his eyes dead on meeting with mine, he then snarled and began to dash. I began to run passed the reception desk, past the flapping doors that led to the observatory room. My hands were heavy from carrying Rachel. I screamed "Help, Help Dad!" as I reached the base of the stairs leading to the room where dad was I looked back to see the pack of wolves half way between me and them, then suddenly i felt rachel begin lifted, it was dad we quickly ran up the stairs. The pack of wolves on our trail. As we reach the top my dad placed Rachel high upon a plat form elvator that was used to maintenance the telescope. he pushed the button that signified up. "Now listen to me this is what want you to do see that wall over there in the distance that rail, i need you to stand there and lure them there, can you do that!" he directed. "Yes" I replied in hesitation. "okay when I tell you to jump you will jump to the right okay" he replied. I quickly nodded as I took my position. I wasn't aware of what was going on, I just followed direction. My Dad was now hidden behind the desk I could see his hair peering through the top of the tall computer section. the wolves were now approaching but they were approaching slowly, at first the were heading toward the direction my dad was. I quickly began to make noise as to catch their attention, it worked! the all seemed to lock their stare on their target which was me. The growled and howled, as they walked around the huge telescope toward my left side. Just as dad had planned. The pack was wild it seemed as if they had no control over what they were doing as if only the leader had some internal control over the rest of them. The leader stopped and the pack came to a halt, he then howled no more than 4 feet away from me, he then lunged at me. "Jump" dad yelled, I quickly reacted. As I jumped the pack of wolves no later than a second apart landed where I was standing. suddenly I saw the metal grated floor open it was a maintenance shaft, the pack of wolves now falling into the shaft, then loud cracking noises echoed as they hit the wall and eventually the floor and crushing their bones. I sighed in relief. My dad quickly lowered the platform where Rachel had been sleeping. We had wasted enough time. We ran down the stairs and out the door to a reception of locust to our backs we ran as a few of them jumped and began to eat through our clothing. We ran until we reached he Van, Dad placed Rachel in the back seat I started the engine, Dad got into the passenger side and I drove off. We avoided the main locust cloud by a few minutes, as I looked it my rear view mirror half of the observatory was now covered in locust.

I wasn't sure where I was heading, I turn my gaze toward dad, and he quickly knew what I was thinking. "Head toward the mountain range in the distance" I didn't say anything I just drove that direction. It was getting darker now the locust cloud was fading into the darkness, which worried me. "Dad, what going on?" I finally broke the silence. All this time he had been on his computer going over data, he had saved on his laptop. He still had internet as he connect through satellite. "Well son the sun isn't getting hotter, as you can see the temperature drop two degrees due to night fall, in fact the sun is just fine, it the plants of the earth that are causing all this trouble" he explained. I looked at him a bit puzzled "what do you mean? if its the plants why are the animals and insect all going crazy?" I asked. "Well my colleagues and I discovered some startling news. See when its winter in the northern hemisphere it summer in the southern and usually that balances the green house gases caused by cars, peoples and factories. As you know plant breath in carbon dioxide and breath out oxygen, Well what happened in the last winter the plant in the southern hemisphere stopped breathing in 3/4s the amount of carbon dioxide, and when winter came in the southern hemisphere and it was spring here the same happened. Raising our green house gasses exponentially. It like they went into stasis. As far as the animals and insect go I feel its instinctive, they realized what was going on and they realized that people were the problem so in order to save the earth they began attacking us. As if the earth told all its insect and animals to attack the problem, the problem could be fix as a matter of fact since the attack green house gases have dropped, due to factories closing and less cars on the roads." he explained. "so how do we stop it " I asked. "A world renown botanist is meeting us at the top of mountain range, a Dr. Puentes he has figure out a way to release a pheromones that will stimulate the plants to resume their normal cycle. He will release it against the wind a Jet stream that will carry it across the United States which will cause a chain reaction causes the rest of the plant and trees to resume their cycle, and hopefully the worlds." He explained. I was relieved to know there was a solution. Rachel was now waking up. "How was your nap sweetheart" Dad directed his voice toward her. "Good, where are we?" We are meeting a doctor who might have a solution to this whole mess. Rachel smiled and then it quickly faded as I stared at her through my rear view mirror, I knew she was thinking of mom. How she wished she was still here. I turned onto the dirt road that the GPS system directed me to, it lead to the base of the mountain. It cut through the woods to my surprise there was no animals it was quiet, maybe because they were all in the cities now attacking the humans who had threaten the very existence of this world. They knew that it was us that caused green house gasses to rise in recent year in exponential ways. The earth was just protecting the majority, compared to all the creatures and insects and plant life in the world we were the minority. What better way of solving the problem. Getting rid of the nuisance, humanity. I finally reaching the base of the mountain it had a tram which lead to the top Dr. Puentes was patiently waiting for us. It seemed that Dad had the data required to set the machine he had built at the right moment when the wind gust would be at its highest spreading the pheromones in its proper pattern. We all boarded tram at dad request, Dr Puentes assistant was in the control room. "Okay, were ready to be pulled up to the peak Mr. Luna" He directed his assistant. "Alright Boss you got it" He replied through the walkie talkie. The tram slowly started it ascent the wind was strong against the tram. It was a bit nerve racking, but none the less we reached the top after a short trip. Well stepped out onto hope, The wind was stronger now we had to anchor ourselves to the tram. It had seemed that Dr. Puentes and my Dad had all this planned out. As they had serveral ropes to anchor not only ourselves but the device. Rachel and I stayed back as we watched Dr. Puentes and Dad set up the device they checked and rechecked the number time was running out it was not or never. They anchored down the device set the timer and step back to where we were standing at the opening of the tram. "We are making history!" Dr. Puentes exclaimed, as the counter on the released valve counted off. 30........20........10 We all began to count as if it was new years...8...7...6...5...4..3! As the device opened a mountain lion jumped out of the shadows knocking the device down the force of the wind it strongest took the lion with it along with the device. We had failed, the device never released its packages. We had failed, and there was no one to blame for the event that occurred that summer but humanity. We had over filled the earth with machine, machines that caused the destruction of the lives we had grown accustomed to. In the following days the few remaining radio station had statistic on an estimated death toll, the toll wiped out 33% percent of the world population, the rest fled into the caves and mountains and forest. The plant cycle resumed its natural pattern, and eventually the earth reclaimed the cities and towns we had established. They became the new wild and like insect and animals we were forced to hide in caves and forest of the earth, we were forced to hunt, and live like animals did. Occasionally a few creatures and insect would return to their forest, were they ensured that we would stay, they ensured that we had learned our lesson, ensured that the world stability would remain forever. The day the earth temperature rose to 113 is the day humanity ruled the world no longer.

A bit Lonely

I'm having trouble sleeping because my mind is racing a bit I'm over thinking my current situation and I can't help but wonder if God every felt lonely, what I mean is as in Jesus Christ did he ever feel lonely, in his journey here on earth and if so how did he deal with it. I wonder because I'm feeling a bit lonely tonight, and the thought just came to me.

It must have taken great courage to be the one and only to be alone knowing that your different, and still making it through. I hope no one takes offense to this post it's just a though, I personally believe God wouldn't take offense to my post. He knows that I mean no harm,the power of loneliness is great.

I find it odd

That bad habits do take awhile to die off, whether its because one really doesnt truly want them to die off or its because they haunt you to your very core, when you are reminded by some trigger of some sort, something that reminds you of that potentially destructive behavior, because not all bad habits are destructive some habits are just odd. That brings me to my next ponder and that is how is one suppose to know what habits are bad and what is not. For example cigarettes smoking them in particular is a bad habit because it hurts your body or is it a bad habit because one does to relieve stress? This are the thing that I'm particular confused about I'm debating quitting while I can, I smoke about a pack every two week that is low compared to being addicted. I just rather avoid that behavior all on it own.

Now to more serious behavior like doubting God or faith is that destructive? Can something so grand be considered normal, I'm uncertain what I'm certain about is that I'm scared to doubt God ever again, I can't see my life without God in it, but at times it also seems easier to not have faith not have morals. Now that destructive and I understand that, otherwise I wouldn't be here blogging about it.

I have not

It's been sometimes since I've blogged about anything in particular, and this blog is unfortunately sad, at least sad for me. After seven and half years of my relationship it has ended it been two week since I've been single and fear that I have been destructive God have mercy on my soul for my recent behavior. Today was a turning point because I stopped myself from taking that behavior to a higher level, not only did I realize that my behavior had dire affect, I also stopped myself from going out of my budget range.

Whats next for me only God knows, but I sense it good I sense it great I sense that I will succeed in my endeavors, I'm thankful that I have been granted the knowledge to know the thing that I can and can't change and I do know this much that I can change me and hope for the best but I can't change the circumstance that I've put myself in unless I change myself. As far as my ex I wish him the best.

Texas Gay Bar Raided on 40 th anniversery of stonewall riots

So I live in Texas, so this partially affects me, I can only say that I'm disgusted with their actions. How can they deny it was not anti-gay motivated, they just happened to do an inspection on that day, what a coincidence. Honestly at times I feel helpless in this state I know that it will take ages before Texas become progressive, easing up on their anti-gay discrimination views. I have always never felt welcomed in my state, then maybe its time my partner and I moved.