Dilemma

Well since my friend is unable to speak at the moment and ease my nerve as such an early time, and that is not to suggest that I'm asking him to awaken at such an early time to speak to me. He is already awake but seem un-interested in my dilemma for whatever the reason may be. So instead of allowing this stress to overcome me and become something bigger than it is. I have decided to blog about hoping that it will calm my stress level by releasing the stress in a productive manner.

Seperation from my partner of seven years have been difficult for me as I placed myself in a dire situation and there is no one to blame for my burden but myself and take full responsibility for allowing myself to become so destructive to the point where almost every option that is available to me is closed except for a certain few which I'm hoping that I will receive an answer to. Which brings me to the greater of two dilemmas the first I have accepted it to be as such and am working toward the better of myself and know that this process will be slow, but when completed my outlook on life shall be renewed to a more positive one. My second dilemma is this I desire only a work load of 16-20 hour per week which is a relatively light load, which is why I desire it. So that I can ease myself back into a productive individual at a realistic pace. The only issue with that is that total separation is due by the time our lease ends which is 6 months. In which you would think is viable time to find roommate but their are few who I trust, and that should be trusted not to mention that you never know what kind of person your getting into a contract with. As my lifestyle is that of a very clean individual not to mentioned that I'm gay male and do not wish to room with another gay male for many reason that I will not disclose except for one that I'm very spiritual and not many in my community understand that concept which is rather understandable given the circumstance in which most religions condemn homosexuality. Secondly I was offered to room with someone I do trust but the problem with that is that they lack the cleanliness aspect of my life as I'm very clean or like my environment to be very clean. Finally as I mentioned above I'm gay and not everyone accept that and need to find someone who is more than comfortable with that fact.

It is possible for me to afford an efficiency assuming I get the job that I'm interested in which I do not want to presume to much as I feel that is being ungrateful and may the lord know that I'm not but I'm hopeful that God allows me to take this path and give me the strength I require to succeed. The only real issue with an efficiency is that I do not meet requirements as far as job length to obtain one. In which I have asked my previous partner to sign the lease for me until I'm well adjusted to which he has not responded. To which I know he most likely respond yes only because he feel a need to get rid of me as soon as possible. As it is traditionally easier for the one who leaves to separate all feeling than the one being separated from which would me.