Help! March 14/07

It is much easier to believe in "the" I can't(s) then to believe in the I can, but as powerful as the mind is, we do not realize that saying "I can't" can have dire affects in the long run, To beat your own mind into pulp, into believing inside that you cannot anymore is an atrocity. I Believe that I can, yet it is not I. That taunt my self to brink of destruction, but is the power of my minds essence, the part of the mind which makes the mind the most powerful weapon in the world, because it is where all the information of life and the entire earths history is written on.

My memory haunts me so terribly, it has the ability to wake me from sleep with such fear, hate, sadness, and joy in my heart, an ocean of emotions. Yet, it is fear and hate which is after me, to strike me. What can strike such fear/hate into the heart of man that it can wake him from sleep; feeling overwhelmed to the brink of tears.

An essential part of life is what wakes me. It is the memory of my friends the memory they have branded in my head. Never to be forgotten only suppressed, but suppression alone is not good enough. My mind can not begin to comprehend why? Why did they think, that treating a human so horrible was acceptable, even when there was no basis for malice. Is it because I confessed my love to you? Is it because I was at your every bidding? Maybe it was because I was a fool to allow my courtesy to extend as long as it did. I should have cast you into the fiery depth of hell when the opportunity was made known.

In the end I did not and even through the turbulence of life I stood by your side, and when the greatest years of our life were over you went your way and I went mine. I began to think for a moment that our friendship(s) would last forever, yet again I was the fool. Worst, I was left with the short end of the stick. These memory(ies) will haunt me forever.

Until a day comes when I can not handle the pain no more and be known to me a way to cast them into fire and free my self from this curse I have laid upon my self.